M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Hmmmm life is so interesting as it unfolds. I'm having a very good time in my life right now. Lot's of stuff going on, some really fine friends, a great job, a little travel. I've never really been on my own before, at least not at this level. Went from my parents house to school, then got married within 5 months of graduation.
After a difficult birthing into this new reality, I'm kinda liking it.
There are things that aren't so great like house maintenance, and I would like to have a partner for dinner occasionally (but only occasionally) or movies, plays, music events.
So what happens in the midst of all this, H starts reaching out a bit. A year ago I would have been jumping for joy, now I'm kinda, meh. I wasn't "done" a year ago, I'm pretty well cooked by now. I know what I want and when I try to insert him into my life (in my mind, and yes, I shouldn't do that)it doesn't feel quite comfortable.
I don't yet know how or if he's grown or if he's just lonely.
He hasn't come out and said he wants to R, it's flirtatious texting, interest in me and what I'm doing, giving me positive strokes for other things that are going on right now.
We had coffee together on Sat to discuss some S20 issues. We spent half the time just catching up and it was fun, I laughed a lot, we teased each other about insider things that people who've known each other all these years can do. It felt very different because I was open. I had no attachment to the outcome.
Because I'm happy with me, he's not essential for my life to be happy.
So, I'm just going to enjoy this little interlude and see what happens. I need to remember no interpreting behavior, no attachment to outcomes, attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing.
We shall see, what we shall see.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Hhmm interesting development. I love your outlook, because what you had before was not working. Remember to "be the bug" that person who does not react but is proactive, the one who is loving yet loves herself first, thinks and acts with kindness... basically be "the bug".
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
That's great, bug! It is interesting to me that when you think of it as something leading up to something you're not sure what, you say you feel uncomfortable about it. Then when you describe what actually occurred, you spoke of laughing, sharing, and connecting.
Enjoy the moment for what it is, and don't think about what it means.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
It doesn't feel comfortable mostly in a physical space way. I'm laughing as I think of this, but I used to wake up every morning missing him in the bed, I shed tears many mornings about that. I woke up this morning and thought "What would it be like to have him here again?" At present, the whole bed is mine, I have books in the bed next to me, I can move all I want in the bed and not worry about disturbing anyone, I wake up on my schedule.
It's been 2.5 years.
It would be all new again, not much different than if it was a new man, I would guess.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
My first thought was - I hope this doesn't interfere with my line dancing Fridays.
You know what to do. Expect that feelings will change, fears will rise up (or not) - and deal with each thing with dignity and grace and you will be fine.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
