Closer to Fine

[labug]

Hmmmm life is so interesting as it unfolds. I'm having a very good time in my life right now. Lot's of stuff going on, some really fine friends, a great job, a little travel. I've never really been on my own before, at least not at this level. Went from my parents house to school, then got married within 5 months of graduation.

After a difficult birthing into this new reality, I'm kinda liking it.

There are things that aren't so great like house maintenance, and I would like to have a partner for dinner occasionally (but only occasionally) or movies, plays, music events.

So what happens in the midst of all this, H starts reaching out a bit. A year ago I would have been jumping for joy, now I'm kinda, meh. I wasn't "done" a year ago, I'm pretty well cooked by now. I know what I want and when I try to insert him into my life (in my mind, and yes, I shouldn't do that)it doesn't feel quite comfortable.

I don't yet know how or if he's grown or if he's just lonely.

He hasn't come out and said he wants to R, it's flirtatious texting, interest in me and what I'm doing, giving me positive strokes for other things that are going on right now.

We had coffee together on Sat to discuss some S20 issues. We spent half the time just catching up and it was fun, I laughed a lot, we teased each other about insider things that people who've known each other all these years can do. It felt very different because I was open. I had no attachment to the outcome.

Because I'm happy with me, he's not essential for my life to be happy.

So, I'm just going to enjoy this little interlude and see what happens. I need to remember no interpreting behavior, no attachment to outcomes, attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing.

We shall see, what we shall see.