I have been cutting back on the boards, not intentionally, just that I have been extra busy trying to catch back up at work (last three months work was not exactly my focus, IYKWIM...) and I am trying to strike more of a realistic balance. Also, last week or two I have been in a resentment fueled funk. For a variety of reasons, some of the anger I have repressed as I have been responding to her MLC has been percolating to the surface and giving me way too much of a "I have been a WAY better H than I have been given credit for and if she can't see it to he** with her" attitude, which is not the best when DBing. I will try to catch up with more specifics later.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
I, personally, don't think a little bit of cockiness is a bad thing, just depends on how you display it to her.
I'm always impressed how you can see the bigger picture and adjust your behavior accordingly. It's the marks of an excellent businessperson.
It's hard not to let the resentment/anger get to you. This end of an MLC R is really tough and unfair.
The only thing that ever helps me is trying to look at my spouse and thinking about the pain that fueled their own crisis. And their confusion. It helps with some compassion towards them and also knowing we aren't in a fog. And that's nice.
Looking forward to more updates as you can supply them.
rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
CB, I'm in the same place at times. A cockiness where I feel like saying, "fine go have your fun. I've been too good to you and I'll find someone who can appreciate it!"
Not going to happen, but I think about it. Keep it up bro.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Sometimes I think that when these thoughts began, is when the detaching process really got going for me in earnest. Yes, I had some things to fix about me, but overall ? Not a bad guy to get "stuck with". I see this change in thought then as the beginning of taking back my hammered self-esteem and self-worth... Once I got past the "angry" part and allowed compassion within then I think it became more authentic. I still feel and think that but without the anger/frustration .... Most of the time.....
It feels more on "my" schedule now, if that makes sense.
Idk
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I have been cutting back on the boards, not intentionally, just that I have been extra busy trying to catch back up at work (last three months work was not exactly my focus, IYKWIM...) and I am trying to strike more of a realistic balance. Also, last week or two I have been in a resentment fueled funk. For a variety of reasons, some of the anger I have repressed as I have been responding to her MLC has been percolating to the surface and giving me way too much of a "I have been a WAY better H than I have been given credit for and if she can't see it to he** with her" attitude, which is not the best when DBing. I will try to catch up with more specifics later.
CB
I agree taking a break from the boards can be a good thing. I know first hand that this place saves us during our toughest times, but it seems it's also too easy to spend a lot of time here when we should be out doing other things. All things in moderation I guess.
When I feel like you did in the section I bolded in your post above, I like to remind myself that it's not about me. We could have been the best partner ever and our spouses still likely would have ended up in crises dealing with the issues they now are facing.
Sure, none of us were perfect, but I know for a fact that many (most?) of the issues my wife is fighting with now were not of my making. I kinda get the feeling she's realizing this too.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
"For a variety of reasons, some of the anger I have repressed as I have been responding to her MLC has been percolating to the surface and giving me way too much of a "I have been a WAY better H than I have been given credit for and if she can't see it to he** with her" attitude, which is not the best when DBing."
no, I guess it's not CB! But I know I've felt like that, and if we're honest, I'm sure that everyone of us has.
At least you haven't actually said anything out loud, right? It's probably not a bad thing, it probably just comes across as a sort of super-detaching attitude. Nothing like my less-than-stellar DBing performance a few weeks ago when I screeched in strident fish-wife-like tones "I'M SOOO SICK OF YOU!" It just sorta slipped out under extreme provocation, oops!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I guess you are still "cutting down" on the boards, CB. In case you ever check in, I just wanted to let you know you're on my mind, and I hope everything is going well with your journey thru the halls of MLC High.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
