Turtle Goddess she of the hard shell soft

[RosaLinda]

I am so happy that you received that letter from your D19 J, and hope and pray that she institutes the changes she sees that she needs to make. Like I told you, that happened to my S38 when he was around her age, and being thrown in jail really did change his life. But it could have gone the opposite way too; he told me that he could have hooked up with enough drug dealers to keep him supplied with drugs for the rest of his life. One of my disability law clients called me yesterday to let me know that she is signing herself into a drug rehab program. She got hooked on prescription pain medication after a horrific car accident, and said the same sort of thing as D19, that she realizes that only she can turn her life around, and at age 30, it's about time. I'm glad it didn't take as long for our own kids!

You are introspective, deep thinking, kind, caring, intelligent, and damn FUNNY J, why would your boss NOT think you are great! I'm glad you did not crawl under your desk, and said thank you! Good on you Mz. J. I always was one of those women who feel compelled to negate complements with negative comments. The "You look pretty in that dress" - "Thanks but it's an old rag and I really need to lose 5 pounds" syndrome. I read something once that resonated with me, that the complement-er's opinion has nothing to do with how you perceive yourself, it is how he or she perceives you. So even if you really do think your dress is an old rag, if you argue against their statement, you are really telling the complement-er "I think you are wrong, I think you are stupid."

J "I think the attitude is one of self-protection. If they acknowledge the pain they have caused it will hurt them - nearly as badly as we have been hurt. Maybe even worse because they know they willfully caused the pain. So perhaps they acknowledge the wrong on a surface level "Oops, my bad" but cannot allow themselves the empathy and remorse we seek. They would have to sacrifice themselves in a way. Which would in turn make them exposed and vulnerable."

Interesting perspective. My previous MC back in 2010 told me that a MLCer becomes a wonderful spouse if he or she wakes up from their MLC because he or she sees and recognizes the destruction and pain he or she has caused to their family and spouse. My C said that it is my choice to stand or leave, but once my H has faced the pain he has caused, he will become a great H, and it is my choice as to whether I want him to be my great H or EA#1's great H.

I know some MLCers never escape from the tunnel, never wake up. I wonder if that is because they cannot face the fact that they "willfully caused the pain" and so keep rationalizing their actions to excuse their behavior instead of facing up to it, and deciding to live their lives differently.

Sort of like.....a 19 year old who got thrown into jail! And thank you J for "bothering" with me too. Love you! Did you change your mind about Jaye?