Listen. Remember my H and massage girl? Love of his life? Ya.
So they are right, he is grieving.
You are right. Stand your ground for what you want. There is no reason you guys can't date if he is interested in you and an R. If the "for the boys, live separate lives thing works for you then by all means, go for it, but I know it doesn't
This is a crossroads here, I feel it....what do you want to do?
