Hopeful...I know you are gorgeous so don't even go there.
Why is house 2 impractical? Sounds gorgeous, just you and D, and then you have nothing to fix up, I know you are busy :))
My suggestion for D? Pull over. Ask if she is mad at you and why. If she is validate. If she says "well Dad said..." then say that Dad can be angry, but he will tell me and it hurts me when you say these things to me."
Or something like that. You know where I'm going? She has to know that the "Ya..Mom is stupid for not telling us or Ya, she's late and it's her fault" game is not to be played. And I think even with dev. delay this is valid, you just have to find the way to make it clear. (since I don't know her)
I think you are remarkable
If I ever pass through, we are on for drinks and dinner
You are too kind, Ruby. It was nice to hear someone verbally acknowledge that I looked nice. WOA is one of my LL. I cannot tell you when the last time was that H told me I looked nice. His excuse is that I should know. I could look like I just fell out of a magazine and he wouldn't notice, at least not verbally.
House 2 is impractical because it has really only 2 bedrooms and way too much living space. I am afraid of the ability to re-sell in an easy manner. I also think it is a little bit out of my price range. I don't need a sunroom that is almost as big as the rest of the house.
I'll keep looking. Something will pop up again.
I did talk to D a little bit, but when she gets into one of her moods, it is very difficult to talk to her. She was out of kilter tonight because I was supposed to go out and I didn't. I got about an hour of nasty, cruel behavior before I finally popped. The nice routine didn't work. I finally took her cell phone and had to get into her face about disrespect to get her attention.
You are definitely on for drinks and dinner. I will make it north at some point. Just don't know when.
I texted H yesterday that we needed to sit down and work out logistics on D in the next few weeks. No response.
He has no clue that I am out with a realtor looking at houses, even though I told him I have one. He acts like I am BSing.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about what a new R would look like and I don't think we can do it without some outside help.
Before I move, I intend to talk to H, throw MC and/or Retrouville out one more time and tell him that I have funding and am ready to move on. I don't know that it will make any difference.
While he is telling people that we are having problems and doesn't want me around, I've found out he is not using the D word, which he doesn't do with me either. And he still introduces me as his wife.
Some days I just don't get it.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
Ha! Welcome to the club! And it's gonna get weirder. When you find yourself a place, when you actually do move out, when he sees you standing up for yourself, independent, strong, and happy....yeah, that's gonna make him see you differently. All of a sudden all that negative slips away.
Keep going...you are doing great! Stand up for you. Do what is right for YOU! You deserve it.
when he sees you standing up for yourself, independent, strong, and happy
This was me when we met. The years of disrespect and emotional/mental abuse have taken their toll on me. I am still fairly independent and strong, but it is hard to stand up for myself and be happy right now at home. I can still be those things in other settings.
When I recently stood up for myself with him he made a remark something to the effect that he sure hoped my humming bird a$$ could back up my alligator mouth. Nice, I know.
I do believe he will see things differently, and his friends do as well. It is still hard while we are living together.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
The rollercoaster ride continues, and I think I need a neck brace. I feel some whiplash coming on. A week ago, H and I had a great time out with D. This past Friday, H doesn't want me around him, in his house, blah blah blah. We barely spoke the entire weekend. And today he wants to ML.
Our communication is still at an all time low. I had to be somewhere tonight, and I've sent H some emails about it. Tonight h claimed no knowledge. I asked him if he was getting my emails, and his response was he gets so many that he quit reading them. So I guess one from your wife titled "Reminders/Dates" isn't one you should look at? At this point, he won't always answer the phone, doesn't always acknowledge me when I speak to him, won't answer texts and doesn't read his email. Should I get a billboard?
My GAL tonight was nice. I went to a dinner to hear Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly. Man, that guy loves his wife. I was envious. I forgot what that feels like. I have the remainder of the conference tomorrow but will probably leave early because I have too much work to do.
And here I am when it comes to being clueless/dumb in the man category (out of practice, I guess). I went out for beers on Saturday with a guy (yes, H's friend) and we've been texting a good bit. I don't know what to make of this. He asked me for a hug when we left on Saturday. Tonight we talked about getting together for wine. I asked him what kind and he said "a surprise ;)" I thought he was in an R, but I'm not sure.
He's helping me look at houses and told me he would go dress shopping with me (WTF?) if I wanted him to. Seriously, I don't know what to make of this and am too clumsy to ask. I don't know how to beat around the bush, I'm pretty blunt.
My life is interesting, if nothing else.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
The rollercoaster ride continues, and I think I need a neck brace. I feel some whiplash coming on. A week ago, H and I had a great time out with D. This past Friday, H doesn't want me around him, in his house, blah blah blah. We barely spoke the entire weekend. And today he wants to ML.
So sorry you're going through this Sometimes I wonder which is worse, having a waffling spouse like yours who runs hot and cold or having a totally shut down spouse like mine that is ALWAYS cold. My W has never backed down from being done with me. Last time we ML was a year ago. On the one hand it's easier to detach when your spouse is always cold, but on the other hand it's really tough to hang onto any hope of reconciliation at all.
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I asked him if he was getting my emails, and his response was he gets so many that he quit reading them.
LOL! Hey, I think I'll start using that one at work!! "Oh, you needed something today? I didn't read it, I get too many emails so I quit reading them." Sounds reasonable!
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Man, that guy loves his wife. I was envious.
I was just reading a story about a couple that were married 65 years and died hours apart. Their adult kids said they had a lifelong love affair that lasted right up until death. Said in old age they played cards together for hours each day. It really touched my heart, if only all our M's could be like that!
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I don't know what to make of this.
It is exactly what it looks like, he's interested in you. Guys are not subtle about such things.
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I thought he was in an R, but I'm not sure.
You might broach that subject with him before things go any farther, because he very well could be. It's alarming how many men think it's OK to burn the candle at both ends.
Haha, Hopeful, I tend to be pretty clueless too! I know I am dating, but I really kind of s*ck at reading the clues, you know?
Just pin them to his forehead. Listen, H constantly forgot things I told him, emailed him, pinned on calendar. Stop emailing if he is being a jerk (I get so many emails....)
Phone if it concerns D and let him know you will also send an email. Other than that you could leave a calendar or text.
Yesterday I got the "What's the point in having a cell phone if you never answer it??" speech.
I just laughed and said if it is an emergency you know how to get in touch....
Sometimes I wonder which is worse, having a waffling spouse like yours who runs hot and cold or having a totally shut down spouse like mine that is ALWAYS cold[/quote}
It is a tough one, and I wonder the same thing. I think if he was cold all the time, I could drop the rope a little bit more. I don't have any expectation for a reconciliation anytime soon. H is pretty far gone at this point from what I can see.
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LOL! Hey, I think I'll start using that one at work!! "Oh, you needed something today? I didn't read it, I get too many emails so I quit reading them." Sounds reasonable!
Yeah, I'm married to the most reasonable person on 2 feet. I have 3 email accounts and know I get more than he does. My clients get pi$$ed when I don't respond in a day. I can just imagine telling them that.
[quote]You might broach that subject with him before things go any farther, because he very well could be. It's alarming how many men think it's OK to burn the candle at both ends.
If he is in an R, she is currently living in another country as a citizen there. Cripes, I feel dirty sometimes. This guy was H's flight instructor and took him for his heart surgery. How am I going to explain this one?
H's revelation for the evening: If he could find a decent country with beer and a grocery store close by, he would leave here immediately. And he's serious. Hard to believe life can be that bad, but not be willing to do anything about it.
H and I talked about a few things tonight and on issues where I may have fought him in the past, I let him vent and told him that I wasn't disagreeing with him, but that I was on somewhat of a different road. I wanted him to hear that I was talking about something else and not trying to argue or devalue his opinion, which is a 180 for me. I pretty much side stepped his comments and redirected.
A little bit after dinner, he thanked me for dinner. Which is funny because it was a pick up from Walmart. We also listened to some music and he told me about something in a song that he found neat. Ironically, the song is "It's Only Make Believe", which sounds like a good title for my next thread.
As for my new friend, we've been texting tonight, while H is in bed. He's offered to get my wine for me. I jokingly asked him to go to Nordstrom Rack for me and he asked wanted I needed/wanted. My emotions are all of the board right now. 18 years with one person is a long time. It's hard to picture myself with anyone else physically right now.
I also know that my wall is still up, like it was when I met H. This time, it will not come down as easy. while I am peeking my head out, I feel like I am pulling it back in pretty quickly.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
Don't care what anyone says, when you are the LBS, that validation from someone else is nice.
When it comes after you have made your peace with you, it is especially sweet because, in my case, I didn't play any "games". I was pretty much authentically m so that is the added bonus,
Besides, you're gorgeous, smart, loving and pretty much amazing..I would get your wine too...;)
Sometimes I wonder which is worse, having a waffling spouse like yours who runs hot and cold or having a totally shut down spouse like mine that is ALWAYS cold. My W has never backed down from being done with me. Last time we ML was a year ago. On the one hand it's easier to detach when your spouse is always cold, but on the other hand it's really tough to hang onto any hope of reconciliation at all.