pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear

[Whiterose]

Which is why you need to opinions of people in the know sometimes. Thank you

[job]

WR,
KML gave you excellent advice. Yep, your h is looking for you to resist all the way to the divorce court. Let him think he's got control over the situation and you get your own appraisal and let's see who comes out closer to the true value of your home. Maybe the person he has in mind is on the up and up, but who knows until the appraisal is done. Whatever you do, don't go out of your way to make the home spic and span as if you are having open house to sell the place. If something needs repairing, tell them. Be honest and that way everything will be on the up and up.

I'm glad you got the meeting over and done w/today. Hopefully your broker will help in finding someone to work w/you. Don't tell your h about the meeting. It's time now to keep some things to yourself for a bit.

[Whiterose]

Thank you Snodderly

I'm normally a very clean person, H's peeves about me actually, so ill keep it nice and messy when the appraiser does come......it's an old house....maybe I should lead with the knob and tube wiring and end with the no insulation on the main floor

H doesn't know about my meeting, how could he, my boys don't know and anyone else that does he isn't talking to.

Oh and for interest.....H has not responded to my vey friendly, verbatim kml, reply

[kml]

Oh and for interest.....H has not responded to my vey friendly, verbatim kml, reply

Aikido throw to the mat!!!!

[Whiterose]

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA kml!!

[Whiterose]

H has responded.....

"OK so I have been thinking and don't want to make it harder then it needs to be so if you can make $xxx work and it keeps the boys in the house then I'm willing to agree with $xxx as the value of the home.

Original total I asked for.......what does he want?????

[job]

WH,
He doesn't know what he wants. Sounds to me like the letter your lawyer sent gave him food for thought. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't change his mind again before it's all over with. The man is bouncing off the walls emotionally.

Please take care of yourself. Try to do something special for yourself this weekend. You've had a rough week emotionally and w/filling out paperwork.

[oldtimer]

Whiterose,

It doesn't MATTER what he wants or why he is willing to give you what you asked for previously. Who knows? Who cares?

If you know it is a good deal (meaning probably better than you would get in court), then snap it up. No doubt he will change his mind many times. Try to get it done before that happens.

The WAS will only become less generous over time. It is a very, very, very, very common story here that the LBS regrets not taking an earlier offer because they wind up with much less.

On the other hand, without an appraisal, how do you know that it is a better deal than the courts would award?

BTW, I'm not sure where you live, but in most places, ALL debt (except student loans) is considered joint debt, regardless of whose name it is in or when the money was spent. Keep this in mind with how things might turn out in court...

[kml]

So, what happened here is - you dropped the rope, and once he was no longer struggling against resistance, he became entirely more reasonable! Love that Aikido!

Now - if the figure he is giving you is a good one (and you know for SURE it is less than an appraisal would be) then JUMP on his offer and get it in writing ASAP. These moments of generosity tend to dwindle as the divorce process goes along.

On the other hand, if you're not so sure of the comps for your home, get your appraisal done before you sign anything.

[Whiterose]

this was my response:

"Hi
I do need a little time to work the numbers with a mortgage broker. I want thank you for understanding it is important to the boys to have as much stability and security in their life as possible in this tine.
As soon as I've talked to a mortgage broker I will let you know. "

I have contacted the broker again to see when I can get the appraisal done just to be sure. Although I do believe that it is about, maybe a little lower, than what an appraisal would come in at I just want to be sure before agreeing to anything.

Snodderly, I work tomorrow but will be taking the boys to the fair (where H works but what can I do-it's a yearly thing we do) on Sunday with my sister and her kids. As long as H stays locked in his office, and no rides break down, I won't have to see him. Thank you for your concern:)

Hi OldTimer...thanks for stopping in. I hear what you are saying....I just need to be certain. I've hopefully bought myself a few days before he starts reverting back to his "ugly" self.

kml gotta love that Aikido! you were more than right! thank you for the wording and support.