And as 25yearsmlc says, she and I hardly EVER agree, so that oughta tell you something, sw.
I have read many of both of your posts and value both perspectives.
Time to start setting some initial boundaries. Starting with the "no texting from our marital home." This will help you learn the basic skills of boundary setting and enforcement (I personally SUKKED at this, as I am a natural "pleaser/rescuer/NiceGuy" type). "Boundaries," by Townsend, is an excellent book on the subject, btw.
I have thought endlessly about his. I definitely need some help doing this the right way. I can't come across as demanding or controlling so fining the right words and attitude has been difficult. When I rehearse what I might do or say in my head it sounds controlling so I have not done anything yet. I am hungry to learn anything I can so I will get the boundaries book with hopes of some guidance.
You have (and most people do) a basic misunderstanding of the difference between BOUNDARIES, and ULTIMATUMS.
I'm going to post two things that might help you. This first one is from an old poster here, Jayne, and it goes like this:
Think about boundaries like this:
Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, because boundaries are about drawing "circles" around *you* and determining what you will and won't allow inside that circle.
Your WxH can do whatever he wants OUTSIDE that circle. You are not telling him what to do.
But you will only let into that circle people who treat you with respect.
He's free to go on treating you with disrespect, but you won't know about it because he'll be outside your circle. He's free to go on and draw his own boundaries of no expectations and no responsibilities, outside your circle.
He can do WHATEVER he wants. He's a free person, free to make WHATEVER choices he wants.
BUT SO ARE YOU, and you are free to choose who to allow within your circle.
That's all. Not about trying to control him at all. Tell him he's totally free. He has the WHOLE WORLD, outside your circle, to go and do whatever he wants.
If he's saying you have to let him into your circle no matter what, then THAT is about HIM controlling YOU.
