let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

W called me at work after her IC. I asked her what was up, she said "nothing" So I ask if we need to cancel MC (have to do it by 3 today if so for 24 hr notice) She said she didn't know and asked if I had IC this week yet. I explained that I needed to reschedule to be able to see my oldest boy tonight.

She suggested that we reschedule until next week and that we can "talk" tonight... I explained that I don't need to go to IC prior to MC, and I told her that the lack of communication has left me in a confused, unknowing state and that's why I asked for MC and that afterward I realized that I may be pushing her into doing somethings she didn't want to do. I said that I think we should cancel if she doesn't want to go, and she immediately replied "we'll go, we'll go"

I asked how her IC was working out, if she liked him better than the last, she said she did. I asked if he said anything about MC, and she said that because we are separated, he suggests we work on ourselves first. I asked if she told him about our Sunday night conversation (I KNOW...I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN PRYING... AAAAAHHHH!)

She said she did and told him that she felt attacked, I guess for asking if she googled the effect of divorce on kids. She then told me that the IC explained that we are both going through quite a bit now, and that these things are normal and expected. I wish I wasn't on moderation to get some advice if I should cancel tomorrow. I really don't want to be dealing with any of this right now.

I miss reciprocal love so much. I don't know how you long timers stick to it, but then again, I am starting to understand... you do it because YOU are worth it, you do it because you are making yourself a better person and you are doing it because you know you deserve being a better you.

I imagine quite a few get to the point where they realize how toxic it all is and cut their losses. It will be interesting to see which camp I belong to.