How to DR if she will not leave the OM?

[sw-1234]

MWD recommends a "180." He nees to search his heart of hearts, and think about his wife's earlier-in-the-marriage (before her affair) marital complaints, and think about what kind of negative traits he was displaying. I usually only recommend the "strong stance" thing when I see that someone was a classic "Mr. Nice Guy"/pleaser, like I was. If he was GENUINELY a controlling jerk (and that's not just his wife's affair hormones, re-writing their marital history to justify her affair), then he should work hard on learning -- and displaying -- a nicer, calmer, more pleasing personality towards her (while still not condoning her affair).

It all depends on what he was like before.

I was "GENUINELY a controlling jerk". Not all the time but definitely in times of conflict or stress. A long time ago I was also fun, funny, nice, and confident. My beautiful wife did want to marry me at one time and it wasn't because I was a jerk. I do have a heap of good qualities that I have not shared.

I immediately started doing 180s before I knew what they were. My early efforts were seen as desperate attempts but I have been consistent with most of the good things that I have done and some of it has come very easily. I have been showing my wife love and respect consistently. Just as I wrote that I was reminded of all of the spying that I have done that was not respectful so I can not say that I have performed this perfectly. I have been listening, not talking down to, and being Nice in general. True, much more to do.
I stared working out and this I think has surprised my wife.
My attitude has improved but I would not call it great. I am terrible at hiding my emotions and when she pulls away, takes her phone to text him or "leaves early to go to a meeting" it is impossible not to be disappointed and hurt and it shows.

I have an idea for another 180 but would love some feedback.
Since I have started to work out I need to alter my diet to get the most out of it. I have not cooked a meal for my wife since our first date but I am thinking about starting to cook per a diet plan that goes with my workout routine. I am thinking about taking over the cooking but not sure how it might be perceived. She works long hours and only cooks about 3-4 meals a week anyway so it seems like a good way to bring consistency to meal times for my daughter and would be healthy for all of us. What do you think?


Starsky [/quote]