Living in the Now(or how Ruby got her groove back)

[littleGTO]

yes, ruby, it IS interesting...

the ole distance-pursuit relationship...you said maybe I'm available & interested or maybe I'm not- then he becomes more motivated to pursue when it is more NOT than yes.

You are doing well, I know, ruby. Continue your path...I like the new twist in the road for you--dating and not worry about engaging or advising H. I think you know this is the right way to go for now!

After 4 hours of talking--anyone might be tired! Can't wait to hear about the next date!!! (Living a little vicariously...just a little )

[JuneReN]

I was going to post about yesterday and how H and I run on Wednesdays in our group. How I texted him and said "are you coming down" instead of me assuming I was headed up to apt.

How upon meeting a quartet (!) from England and chatting them up, when they asked where we lived he said we were married, but he lived in city during the week, because we had a country home where I was. (On the walk home after he explained it was easier to just say it that way....{umm, no. It's easier to say "we are separated" lol.} )

How he said he sent a photo to three different people including me and NGF and I was the only one who found it funny (like he did;) )

How when I went to use bathroom, H said 'Do you want a shower before you go" and I said no, gave him a kiss and left.

Because when I got home, on my answering machine was NGF's crazy ex, who had called 15 times, left a message for H saying basically that NGF was his and H was to back off and leave her alone or H would have to deal with him.

I freaked, D was home alone while crazy boy was calling. I texted H and said I was furious (okay, add your own swear words, be inventive)

I said did I have to be afraid, and I didn't want to be scared in my own house. While I could deal with it, D14 was here and is often alone etc.

This morning-H calls NGF ex, and I get apology on machine form NGF ex...."Sorry, I was drunk...blah blah"

Text it to H, and he says NGF has been dealing with this guy harassing her for about a month and he is harmless-all talk.

Let's hope. I said to send NGF my sympathies, because ex was batsh*t crazy and no one should have to deal with crazy like that.

H says you dealt with me for 19 years.

I said A) it was mutual and B) that he is a woman's idea of "bonus" and NGF must have upgraded radar to deluxe model when she decided to go out with him.

H said *blushing* H never takes compliments like that from me without a joke.

Then he said "We really go through some weird stuff, don't we?"

What I am thinking is...ummm....WE?? this is your crazy boy. While I agreed to ride the roller coaster, I did NOT sign up for the freaking whirly gig!!

I only replied "Yes we do"


So at the end of the day, today, at 9 am lol, I am dealing with sadness more than anything. I should be really angry at H from dragging our butts into this, but I am not. I can't seem to unpack that feeling either...thoughts?



How he texted me like crazy, said he had a good night.

[JuneReN]

oh, last bit goes up top...lol

[labug]

Is Ruby on Ruby's path?

Same question as yesterday.

((( )))I know this is hard.

[MrCAS]

Personally, I would have to wonder hoe NGF's XBF got your number. I would be concerned ans, IMO, a "Sorry, I was drunk" is not an excuse or a reason to act in that manner.I would have called the police and let them deal with it. That crap is just so wrong on way too many levels.

I might be wrong but it sounds to me like your H is coming out of his fog. Speaking from my own experience, it can be a bit overwhelming. It was scary. For me, I felt like I was in a bunker directing my own war machine... pushing buttons... pulling levers... Then I stopped, went to the door, and slowly opened it to see just what I had done and what was left standing.

[JuneReN]

Ah, the shock and awe strategy.... MrCAS, Holy crap, I think H is beginning to wonder what he has done, which is good for him, I think.

Bug...my thoughts before would have been "Another GF down, it's good..." Today I am wary and deer like. I have not engaged or advised H when he called today and said he was not going on with this relationship. KNow why? Heard it before.

Not sucked in this time, won't make plans with H, he asked, I was busy. I am not readjusting anything in my life this time and THAT is continuing on the path in a straight line, rather than "shiny...let's look over there"

I had really compartmentalized H, but this intrusion into MY life and MY world was a shock, I think. Still processing.

Oh BTW? I got a taste of LBS behaviour from H last night. Everyone is right, it is NOT attractive....

[MrCAS]

The realization can be overwhelming.

Ever have a temper tantrum? Pick stuff up and throw it? Hit things? Start spouting words without thinking of what you are actually saying?

It was hard for to come to a point and realize the damage I had done in my life. The people I love pushed away. The friendships lost or damaged. The life I built laying in a steaming mess. Sometimes it feels like standing in an battle scene.

Then comes the "real life factor" when you find out that some things just can't be fixed. They can't be brought back to life. The opportunities are just gone.

That is overwhelming.

When I got to that point, that is when I sought out help. My big fat ego and sharp wit wasn't going to make it better. It was extremely humbling for me to admit that I was wrong. That my behavior was unacceptable. That I had handled things poorly.

It could be a good thing that your H is at the point he is. It is what he does now that is critical. Continue on the path he knows or take the new path that he has no idea where it might take him.

[JuneReN]

Sounds like some good growth for you Cas.

It is never a good day when we realize that if we were someone else, we wouldn't like us either.

The good day is when you decide to change

Nicely done

[MrCAS]

Very well put, Ruby.

It was reaching that point when I realized I wouldn't want to have anything to do with me if I was someone else.

Humbling. Very humbling.

Growth does not come without pain of some kind.

[labug]

When I got to that point, that is when I sought out help. My big fat ego and sharp wit wasn't going to make it better. It was extremely humbling for me to admit that I was wrong. That my behavior was unacceptable. That I had handled things poorly.

You and me both.