but this is all part of his MLC craziness, and it is better to ignore it along with the rest of the symptoms and just "ride out the storm".
if you are waiting for a hurricane to pass by, you don't start doing repairs while the hurricane is in full force. you wait till it has passed by, then you start working on repairs. in the meantime you do what you need to do to protect yourself and your family and get through the storm.
Using your analogy, I would say that until you fix the "hole in the roof" (which is the current affair, if there is one), your home (marriage) is just going to continue to take on more water.
Penny Tupy has a great article called "The Hole in the Roof" that specifically talks about infidelity in the marriage. I think MWD may have even written the Foreward to one of Penny's books? I will see if I can find the relevant passage, and post it here (with proper attribution, of course), if that's okay.
There is one dynamic here that needs to be discussed, and that is the "You know, and your husband KNOWS that you know." Once you get to THAT stage, I think the whole dynamic changes, as then what you do (or DON'T do) can be seen as weak, enabling and even like you're giving PERMISSION for yourself to continue to live in an open marriage.
If, however, he doesn't KNOW that you know, I think it's a COMPLETELY different situation, as you need only to "hide it in your heart" as the Good Book says, and figure out what youre plan is.
Does that make sense? Using TT's analogy, a child who has been CAUGHT doing something that is considered a violation of a major family boundary, and is then left unconfronted about it when they KNOW that their parents know about it, will see that as tacit approval for the illicit behavior.
