BC39.....The fight for my marriage continues

[Accuray]

My take on it is that the challenge is that you're looking to be "taking an approach" at all. If you "take an approach" or "employ a strategy" you'll be looking for it to pay off in some way. The dynamics surrounding your expectations put pressure on the relationship.

I think your best course of action here is just to live, just to be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not, don't force your actions. If, however, there are things about you that you don't like, then change them, regardless of how W responds. There's a difference between trying to be something you're not versus changing yourself, one is a temporary ruse and one is a commitment.

When you talk about "taking an approach," that implies to me the temporary route.

I believe that your mindset has to shift. You need to address whatever it is about you that you feel needs to be addressed. Once you've got a handle on that, then you live your life.

If your W is not contributing to the marriage what you need her to contribute, then you discuss that with her, offer to work with her to make that better.

She can either engage with you, or she will not. If she doesn't, then you are in a marriage that does not fulfill YOU, and you need to decide what you're going to do about that.

Rather than focusing on W's issues with feeling craving and attraction, and trying to fix that for her, focus on what *you* need as half of this relationship.

Marriages need balance to survive.

Acc