Figuring out the old and new life

[reachingHigher]

FY, you are really on to a concept here that makes sense. Not that it would help anyone put an end to limbo any earlier, but helps us have understanding and compassion for our wayward spouse.

I never mentioned my H's low self confidence too much here. The other symptoms of MLC were overpowering to deal with and that was his problem, not mine.

But it makes me think...if they are telling us they never got to live all these years...maybe it's true! But not b/c of us! It's b/c of their own fears of living life to the fullest. We just happened to be alongside of them, enabling them along the way without meaning to? They were attracted to a stronger, more confident person (us) and now they want that for themselves, finally.

It would make sense in my sitch with my H's dependence on alcohol. It makes him feel less shy and more confident. And yes, haha! I think the girls have given him a taste of what is "out there". They are mostly messed up and broken too. But he could be macho with them. And he had something they didn't have -- a loving spouse at home. Seems like it would boost his confidence more! Idk.

Also, looking back, H said to me "overnight" wasn't fast enough for D. But after I called the IRS to try to push it through before the end of last year (having to do with his filing status), he balked and kept delaying it. So what he said wasn't true. It was only his feelings to get rid of M.

Complicated stuff, huh?

In answer to your question, H is much more confident now. He even describes himself that way. I see it but I think he still falters in the presence of other confident, successful men. He still doesn't feel he is equal to that, but I see him growing in that area. I think he doesn't "need" people around that are messed up any more to feel confident, but he still isn't high on the scale. I would say he has risen to 5 out of 10 on a scale. Not sure.

My H is really into golf now. After I got him a lesson with a pro for his birthday in May, he has scheduled 5 more lessons for himself, bought a nice set of clubs with special grips and made for the taller man, and he plays or goes to the club often, several times a week. I think this is helping him build self-esteem and glad he accepted my little nudge in that direction.