Divorced-not done-But wondering ?

[JJAC2005]

L4MD...nice of you to drop in.
I'm not sure what the best answer is here, because honestly I do have mixed feelings from day to day. (sometimes our egos play with us).
After I first found out about her dating, I admit I dug around a lot to find anything and everything I could about what, why, when, and how...things that were similar, different, ect.
I will say that I learned a valuable lesson in wondering about it, and that is, our memories are always with them....and their relationship is non of my business, as its not my relationship anymore, its hers, and she is no longer my wife.
And even though I still love her, and care about her in every way, she is an adult that has her own life to live...And my job now is to make my life the best life it can be for me, and if that builds a bridge to a reunion/reconciliation in the future, I think that would be fantastic! Hope can be a great thing, once we truly are detached....
I can take pride in knowing that in my heart and mind that there is absolutely no way that what ever fun they are having at tha moment, its just never going to surpass any of our own past experiences as a family or as a couple, nor can it replace the love bond that we shared.
I gain comfort knowing that for me it seems as though its just an activity of the 2 of them enjoying the moment, and those moments don't carry with it any true reality, such a life together when you come home and have to deal with it....because as sure as the nose on my face, if they had to spend time day to day coming up with ways to get thru even the little things, the pictures would be a bit less fun.
I pray for reconciliation daily....I pray for that heart to soften enough to give us another chance....leave it up to God....and I trust that it will be healed as it should be.

Today, is a very sad day of sorts....as it is the 1st year anniversary of my divorce.....and yes, I cried last night before going to sleep and again this morning with my coffee as I watched the sun come up over the trees.
I would say that this has been the most incredible year of my life ever...I have learned so much and felt so much more than I dreamed possible....I know that my changes are going to be noticed someday by my ex....and that's what I am counting on, that's what gives me hope.