Suckerpunch, moving ahead one way or another!

[25yearsmlc]

I guess I am the only one not in agreement on this. While I can understand that it is time for your wife to move on and get a place of her own, which will most likely be living with OM, I don't see kicking her out as a punishment for behavior.

I also think that you should be the bigger man. You are talking about being the man that you want to be, growing, dealing with anger, etc. The reality is, your wife is dating someone else and she is serious about him, or appears to be. You can take the stand, "not on my property" (yes, it is unbelievable she is this insensitive but do you expect anything else from her at this point?) or you can deal with it. If she is dating him, everyone knows, your daughter is around him, why does it matter where this happens?

You talk about not wanting to hurt your D any more. Well, guess what? Having this much animosity in your R with her mom does hurt her. At some point you are going to have to accept that there is an OM in her life whether you like it or not and you are going to have to decide what behavior you want your D to see when you deal with this.

What has always stuck with me was being in my best friends wedding and she did not invite her father because their had always been so much anger between her parents. What a sad choice to have to make because 2 adults couldn't handle an issue the right way. With my d and my ex, I have always chosen to do what is best for my D, not what makes me feel better. Does it affect your D if OM is on your property? No, but it does affect her that M and D cannot get along and can't even be in the same room together. How is this action going to affect that situation? It is going to make it even worse and be that much longer before your D can see healthy co-parenting.

I am not saying your W is right, and I cannot imagine doing this. I am just saying someone has to be the one who considers the long-term affects of your co-parenting R on your D. The sooner you accept OM and learn to get along with BOTH OF THEM, because yes, your D is watching, the better.

What a great post.

Just see a lawyer (stop being cheap, asking deputies who gets what. They know arrest law, not landlord tenant) and they do not know how a judge would rule in this. PLUS if you are a jerk to OM or make a scene, it will NOT play well in family court.

You should not be directly involved in this event at all, if you insist on having OM gone. You have staff and other family there.

Yes I agree with Love, that your w needs to move on but you have stubbornly refused to concede a single financial point about the settlement, right? What is your most recent "offer"? Nothing, still? She goes to living on the streets and that would show her!!

Except ooops, she has OM. She can live with him and you will not be able to blame her for that.

You continue to believe her $28k direct contribution and being a sahm mom, caring for your d and being your wife were worthless, right? She "never worked", right?

So to YOU, She should get nothing and be grateful for being allowed to live near the home SHE had lived in for years with you as a wife and partner but was forced to leave bc of a weird family business YOU are in.

What a horrible plan for her b/c in your eyes, if you two lived there for 24 more years and she personally put an addition on it, and or paid for it, you'd STILL say it was NONE of hers, right? It would still be YOUR family's, right? That's NOT fair to me. But that is what you are saying to her about all of her past contributions and time.

My guess is she has every incentive to stay and no incentive to leave, given your offer of....nothing.

Look, we know it hurts that She left you. But for the 343th time, That has nothing to do with the property settlement,

yet for all these months you keep connecting the two.

You still don't get it. You need to get it.

You need to do anger management and get back on the ADs and probably some anti anxiety meds. You sound primed for murder and it's unhealthy as hell for your d.

I am NOT defending your wife's choice to bring OM to the campground.

I am reminding you of how you repeatedly engage in behaviors that harm you and do not help your d or your situation.

And you spend way too much time negatively spinning on her.

Someone asked you what you have done to GAL, and you said you have "tried everything".

That's absolutely false.

What class are you taking? What NEW hobby do you have?
What organization or club did you join?
What new volunteer activities or campaigns are you working on?
What church group did you recently join?
What team did you join or coach?

What community theater did you volunteer to work with or audition for?
What NEW physical activity did you take up, that involved OTHER People?

What new friends have you made?


You have seen my GAL list of things I did in the interior of Alaska, including the winter...

you have done very little GAL and your comfort zone is narrowed to the friends you already have, while you judge all the new singles you meet.
Try NOT meeting single people in a bar or wherever you have looked.

Go to church. Take your d. You'll be noticed if you dress well and look clean cut.

JOIN something new and different.

SIGH

I won't repeat the rest b/c I have said this to you at least three times in separate long posts.

You will detach much faster, when you GAL. The two events are related.