My mother is dying. XW wants to be my friend.

[AJM]

I'm torn. On one hand, I do not want her to go and on the other, I want her to be free of pain and to no longer suffer.

I get that. On my 14th birthday, my mom was diagnosed with leukimia. She went through he** for the next two years. That was back in the 80's when they didn't know much difference between leukimia and AIDS. They put patients on the same floor. She also didn't want her kids to see her taking drugs and was scared of becoming addicted to painkillers. She suffered a lot for her beliefs. It meant a lot and was truly a gift to see her go through that although that wasn't what I thought at the time. I learned a lot from my mother

When it was time for her to go, I had very mixed emotions. I was very sad, I missed her, I hated how it affected (and still does to some degree) my father, but I also didn't want her to suffer any longer. She hid it from me as much as she could, but I knew she was going through a lot. The mixed emotions were difficult, and I felt guilty for some of the feelings. I was glad she didn't have to suffer any longer. No matter how much I miss her, I would never want her to go through that another minute longer and would much rather she be happy on the other side with God.

As contrite as it sounds, it helped make me who I am today. She gave a lot for me and my sister. She set a high example of how she believed a parent should be even while suffering. Neither of us ever forget that.

I am sad for your loss, Tad.

Peace,
AJ