I agree she needs to go. I just don't think getting the police involved and serving her an eviction notice with 3 days, or 2 weeks,, to get out is the way to do it. It should be a conversation along the lines of "W, I understand you feel you should be able to have anyone you wish in your own home. I agree and that is why I think it is time you find your own home and you need to do so in the next 60 days" etc.
Yes, W is selfish, only cares about herself, wants to stir up a pot of cr@p. What do you want? Do you want this to continue or do you want to get to the point where your D feels secure in the knowledge that she has two parents who love her and are taking care of her. Do you think your W won't tell your D that "Daddy kicked us out of our house"? She sure sounds like the kind who would. And while that would be her fault for involving D, not yours, what will your D think? How will she feel?
I am not suggesting your tolerate your w's crap. I am suggesting that you do it in a way that makes it possible for the 2 of you to begin to forge a co-parenting R that will benefit D. There seems to be at least one in every D who wants to stir things up - my ex took me to court for 6 years - however, sometimes both people stir that pot. You can have a D where you both keep the cr@p going or a D where your w is unreasonable and you just proceed with your D in mind at every turn. At some point your W will either grow up or your D will realize who she really is.
My D is 12. When her dad came to town, we all went to dinner together before she left with him (and sometimes after spending hours in court arguing), I picked him up at the airport, offered him a place to stay, etc. Not because I wanted to but because it was best for her. I took great care to never say a bad word about him to her and to only argue with him when she wasn't around. She recently told me that she doesn't like her dad and that she can see he is a jerk to people. I told her I think it is sad she feels that way and that people do the best they can with what they have. I do think it is sad but she has seen me treat him with kindness and never do a single thing to harm their R. It is a terrible R but that is because of him, not me. Now that she is old enough to see this, she sees it clearly. What do you want your D to see in 6 years? Two parents who couldn't get along and she can't be comfortable in the same room with them, or a Dad who did everything he could to make things amicable?
OM is there and it appears he will be there for a while. You can accept it and learn to deal with it, or you can get the police involved and let your D suffer the consequences of 2 parents who can't even have a conversation. Someone has to take the first step.
I was also thinking about your date and how you hadn't heard from her. With all due respect, if I went out with a grown man and he walked right past his ex and couldn't even say hello, I would run like h#ll in the other direction. That would say to me that a)he isn't over her and isn't ready to date b)he is very immature and/or c)make me think about how he would treat me in the future. My H went to dinner with me, my ex and my daughter many times - I am sure neither ex or H wanted to do that (I didn't) but we did it, for my daughter.
I clearly don't have all of the answers (or I wouldn't even have an ex!) and I know the others disagree, just a point of view to consider.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
And when I said let the attorney handle it, I meant working toward D and her moving on, not evicting her.
Really think hard about where you want to draw your line in the sand and what the intended and unintended consequences might be. Let your thinking evolve.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
My head has been spinning. I spoke with wife today. She was combative, complained that I was controlling her life and keeping her from her happiness. She simply wants to focus on the settlement so she can move on with her life. She is just flat angry with me, and eventually hung up the phone. I didn't validate her or anything like that, but I completely contained my composer. It was all her conflict. Afterwards, I gave it some thought. It's not going to be salvageable in a million years. So, I made an appointment with my attorney for Monday afternoon. I am going to follow through and have wife served. It crushes me, but I think it's time. This needs to end.
While I was speaking with MIL earlier today, I found out that some of wifes anger was from here say. I was simply trying to clear up the confusion and maybe bring things down a notch. It didn't work....It never works. You would think I would have known....makes no sense that she is so unreasonable though. Her anger is her own doing. It is not my fault. I need to remind myself of that.
Visiting with my attorney on Tuesday. So far, I am up to $1,990 and she hasn't even been served....fun times ahead :-/
For months I read posts where people said "You will know when it is time to move forward with D", and I felt so conflicted. Then one day you wake up and realize "it is time". The Vets are right, you really do know.
This is hard. Very hard. BUt you know when you know--it's time. You deserve to move forward with your life and it's obvious your W isn't going to come around anytime soon, if ever.
Stay strong, I know you will!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
