pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear

[wishing, hoping]

Hmmm...could be the same tunnel. Mine's concerned with cash and himself and his beloved car, which I have name "Christine".

Just so you know there is no oxygen in that tunnel. That explains the brain damage.

WH

[Whiterose]

well, someone better get these guys a canary before they die in the tunnel.......

I'm working on my financials. been crying the entire time. got into an argument with one of my sisters, she was here to help me, I told her all the negative energy (H to me, them to H, them to me about my feelings for H)

I'm just not ready to be doing all of this. 14 pages of hell. I have my own business and cannot understand what I'm supposed to be putting for my income/gross/net etc so I need to ask my acct to help at $120/hr.

I apologized to S18 today. I told him I've been off for the last 24 hours and he said it was fine. I said that I know he wanted to live with his dad, when this all first happened, because he felt it was too crazy here and that I hope he doesn't feel like that again. He said he has no interest in living with a man that told him he has "people to give fair ride passes to that will use them more and basically be more deserving" I was shocked he would say that but then again not shocked-that make sense? He still talks/texts with his dad daily but I think is slowly getting angrier and pulling back

[job]

WR,
For your gross income, use what you had on your 2012 taxes. That should be enough info for that question. You don't need to pay an accountant for that little bit of information...tax data is sufficient enough.

I know you aren't ready to deal with this data collection, but it has to be done and soon. I know you aren't ready for a divorce, but your h is pushing you hard on this and I would rather see you ahead of the game than behind.

Your son and your sister are now aware of the situation and I do hope that they were understanding today. Your son saw the handwriting on the wall, I don't blame him for not wanting to live w/his father.

Please take a huge breathe and know that you are going to be okay no matter what.

[Whiterose]

snodderly, he's going to push right through until the divorce is signed. I know he will. I just have this sinking feeling he's never going to snap out of it and if he does he will have pushed too hard and there will be nothing of us left.

There's no hope left in me. He's going to do what he wants, take out whomever is in the way, and no matter how many 180's, GAL, going darks I do it's not going to help him see I'm different. He doesn't want to see. He wants me "gone" Hit by a bus preferably.

I'm emailing the mortgage broker to set up a time to talk and may meet with the acct for one hour just to make sure I have it all down correctly. cheaper than going back and forth with the lawyer if I have it wrong.

It's overwhelming and certainly doesn't feel like we'll be ok. It feels like he sucker punches us every chance he gets.....why? why? why? we were so close to freedom all the hard work and the kids and everything and we were going to be able to enjoy our lives he went and screwed it all up

[job]

WR,
I understand exactly what you are saying about being so close to freedom, etc. We were in that same position, but no children...thank goodness. I'll never understand why they do the things they do and when they do them. All of them had good homes, families and spouses. Sure, marriages and relationships are hard work, but if there's a problem, sit down and discuss it. Mlcers "expect" us to know that they are unhappy for many years...like the crystal ball is suddenly going to appear and say "your spouse/companion is unhappy...do something". They were so emotionally stunted as children that they don't know how to have a heart to heart discussion because they are afraid of how we'll react, but they would rather go out there and screw everything up and destroy all of the good things that they had.

I would suggest that you go as dim as you can w/him and only discuss the children and whatever bills that you have that need his attention as well. I wouldn't contact him unless it was absolutely necessary. He needs some much needed time and space for a while. I hope he settles down, but he sounds an awful lot like my xh and once that ball starts rolling down hill, it's gone.

WR, you will be okay once the dust settles. Right now, your emotions are extremely raw and he's coming at you from all sides and that's why it is important to go dim and keep everything on a business level.

I'm very sorry and wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you and the other posters.

[TSquared2]

we were so close to freedom all the hard work and the kids and everything and we were going to be able to enjoy our lives he went and screwed it all up

I feel for you...

I have wondered this myself with my W...the kids were finally old enough to be more independent and we had a lot more freedom to do things together without the kids. we talked about that for years, putting off time together since we knew it would come later. Then later comes, and MLC....*sigh*.

Hang in there, do the needful with the D process, just focus on you and kids right now. FWIW, W didn't want to "see" me, just wanted to be gone from me, then she wasn't sure...many cycles of this through the last 2 years...not saying he will change his mind, only that you just never know with these mlc'ers...always expect the unexpected.

Hope hat helps some...

[Whiterose]

Thank you both for your support
He just messaged me wanting to know if he paid for the appraisal if I'd let the appraiser in??

Always more stuff he wants from me

[kml]

WR -
I'd be a little cautious about using his choice of an appraiser. Or at least, if you don't agree with the appraisal, insist on getting a second one.

Hey, at least he asked you for permission - some WASs would have just barged in on their own with the appraiser.

(Incidentally, since it's in your interest for the appraisal to come in low, no need to pick up the dirty laundry etc beforehand lol. And be sure to uncover any flaws that you may have been hiding, like a rug over a big stain in the hardwood floors or whatever - remember, this is the OPPOSITE of showing a house to sell it).

What do you have to split in terms of debts, retirement savings accounts, other investments or savings, cars, boats, etc?

Also - I know it's hard, but remember this is just the business side. I know you don't want it (the D) but you need to keep your head and be pro-active about fighting for your fair share.

[job]

WR,
One more important thing to add to kml's listing...be sure you are home when the appraiser comes. Once you have the appraiser's name, google them and see what their reputation is like. Also, be sure to ask for a copy of the appraisal for your records even though he's paying for it. Funny, I thought he didn't want to go that route earlier and now he does. See, they are never consistent when it comes to some things in life.

I agree w/kml...keep your head and definitely make sure you fight for your fair share in all of this.

[Whiterose]

Oh well, I guess be grateful for little blessings, eh kml

I wonder where he's getting the cash? Will I be asked to pay that portion of the mortgage this week?

He has a more expensive car and a pension through work. It's a very small pension as he just stated a year ago and I have some money put away for retirement. There are no other savings or anything.

Snodderly,
He did want the appraiser but I asked if we could forgo it to save the money. Then in the texts, posted earlie, he was asking what it needs to come in at as he's trying to get his fair share but doesn't want to make it impossible for me. How kind of him, but after I told him I was going to the mortgage broker and was looking into added income he wanted the lawyers to do it. I'm thinking he got the letter from my lawyer today

" i have now heard back from my client re the house. She is hoping to find a co-signer in order to purchase your client’s interest in that asset, therefore she is not prepared to list the home. Until she is able to confirm that she has a co-signer, there is no point in the parties incurring the expense of an appraisal. I expect my client to have the information she seeks in that regard by early September, 2013.

Relative to your question re the mortgage payments, by client advises she is currently carrying all family expenses other than the mortgage, and in fact was called on to assist even with the mortgage as well as your client advised he was out of funds. Given the income of the parties, and the fact that both children remain with my client, your client is paying no more than he would be obliged to as child and spousal support. Further, the principal portion of the mortgage payment increases his equity as well as my client’s equity in that asset."

There was more about where the Honda is and that I want to see the papers for it or he needs to list it as an asset along with his truck.

I think he sees this.could take more time than he wants. He wants his money before Christmas He's obsessed