Don't ever forget that you are a diamond - and you should act like it!
I am so sorry to read about your eye troubles. That has to be incredibly annoying and with surgery coming up so soon, I hope you are taking care of you. I am very sorry that your H is leaving that day for Russia. But no more wasted time on him!
Going to give you a small smack with the pink pool noodle - you mentioned in one of your previous posts which compared you to Laura Munson who simply refused to believe her husband when he said he was leaving. I would bet that most of us spent the first few months feeding that delusion. The thing about Ms. Munson is that her husband went through a barely discernible MLC for less than six months. At six months, I was still in some denial. Part of being as strong as a diamond is learning to accept and work within your reality and to see what IS.
Your reality right now is that your H is willingly travelling to Russia to be with his affair partner. He can easily leave two days later to be with you for your surgery, but he chooses not to do so or at least hasn't done so yet. No matter what you may believe about the woman - your H is an equal and willing participant in this A.
Now I am not at all saying that he won't make his way back to you or that you won't live happily ever after, I am just pointing out the reality of Right Now. He is disrespecting you.
His hook is that he is nice to you once in awhile - but then why wouldn't he be, he has no other place to go and he gets to cake eat in the extreme.
Which all is my way of saying that I absolutely agree with MizJ's post. (Aside: MizJ, love the al-anon reference! )Especially this:
Quote:
I think making the life of the MLCer too comfortable allows them to avoid confronting the reality they have created. It sends a message that their behavior will be accommodated and so they have less motive to continue on their journey.
Linda, maybe I missed it but did Chuck give you reasons why he would recommend "sample touching"? Your coach knows best but it seems to me that your H has absolutely no incentive to change as it is and now you are being advised to provide his LL. It would seem to me that as long as he is engaged in the A, that it is too early to be progressing to using a LL. FY makes a point, but do not forget, there is no OP in his situation.
Obviously there are many opinions coming your way - give them some thought and act in accordance with your beliefs and be true to you while maintaining your self-respect. H will never respect you if you cannot respect yourself.
)Especially this: