My sitch is still pretty static. I don't initiate contact unless it absolutely necessary, which is rare. XW is struggling emotionally...dealing with the reality of how busy she is and must be to be able to pay the bills. She has even remarked how she would rather be/wishes she could be a stay-at-home mom. When she makes comments like that I don't really say or do anything. We both know this was her choice.
We still have not told the kids about the D. I have brought this up to her several times, but she hasn't followed through with setting a time to talk with them. So I told her we needed to tell them before school starts so they have time to digest it before having to deal with going back to class, friends, homework, new teachers, etc. She agreed, but so far nothing. I'll push this more as school is rapidly approaching. Not only do the kids deserve to know, but they have been in limbo all this time too, and they still ask me questions and make comments about the marriage and my role as dad/husband.
The distance/pursuit dynamic seems to be well in play. As I have created distance it has resulted in her trying to pull closer. I have a bit of a complicated situation, in that what led to our marriage dissolving almost two years ago was me not being there for her, so one thing I am committed to is being someone who can be counted on. This means all the little things: absolute honesty at all times, punctuality, following through with everything I say I will do to a "T", etc., all the while maintaining that space between us that says "you don't get this part of me anymore" and "I am not here to support you as a husband would."
I did not support her decision to D, but I support her as a person and want her to be successful in her quest for independence as that is what she says she needs. I am mentally preparing myself for the tough times she is having and will have regarding being a single mom of four children, working, while seemingly scraping by to pay the bills. It is possible she could direct this anger towards me and I won't let that affect me or change my treatment of her or how I conduct myself.
The girls have been doing great and I have really enjoyed spending so much time with them. Having a good part of this summer off of work while they were out of school has allowed us to bond together in a way we have never had before, and I am so thankful for that. I have also had a chance to reenforce some parenting that has been lacking from XW, which does concern me. The little things like making sure they take their vitamins and allergy pills in the morning, brushing their teeth twice a day, being around to correct bad behavior in a loving way, and sharing with them the love of God, as examples. Some basic things are getting missed when I am not around, so I am doing what I can, when I can, to set the girls on the right paths and help them remember to take care of the basics first. It's quite obvious that a two parent household is better than a one, but I am just doing what I can with what I have.
I'm still reading quite a bit of your threads, though I don't post as much, and wish you all the best. Thank you all again for your help over the months.
Regards,
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
