THis is the thing Bug, I don't think any of us know our paths, but I speak for me when I say that I certainly know when I have fallen off of it. If you go through the posts (for the love of God, no one has that time) you can see specific instances where I did and what it took to continue walking.
Do I have goals? Absolutely; Finish Masters', be kinder and more forgiving toward myself, like people for who they are, not who I want them to be. Those are the biggies.
My path is unknown, but it feels like the right way. I try very hard to live in the now. This doesn't negate thinking about the future or making plans for the future, it just entails the acknowledgement that today was the future and will be the past and if I let it go without living it it is wasted.
How do I know when I am not walking the path? I find myself doing or saying things for the benefit of someone else. I am someone different than me. Authentically. That is how I know I am wandering away. "what does he or she want me to say?" When I think of what that particular person WANTS to see instead of who I am at this point.
Hard to articulate, but there it is. I also know that I will be well down the path whether H and I are together or not. Whether I am with anyone, or not. That feels solid under my feet.
My biggest fear? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a fraud, or that people think I am something I am not and will see through me. But have been working on that for about a year lol. Getting better at not really caring.
Fears? Not many I can't handle anymore, I guess, so no huge ones. I am so steady in belief that H and I will be together that I wonder if I am delusional. Now remember, there have been a lot of times when I thought we would not be. We were done and he was gone. So I have faced those. But when I think we may not be I don't get panicky or upset or sad either. I know it will be good. Weird, hard hard HARD to explain.
