I have a question if H is still trying to sort things out about himself then why is he living with OW? If he needs time to sort out his life why doesn't he live on his own? In my mind this tells me that he has given up and he has moved on with his life and he made up his mind that he will not come home to his family.
K, don't give up on him yet. He needs to see that life with OW is no better than with you. He thinks that she is the better option, that you and/or the M is the source of all his problems. He needs to see that she isn't, that he'll have the same or new problems with her. Give him the time and space he needs to figure that out, as hard as it may be.
My H said he couldn't live in the same house as my dad for a number of reasons including my dad's medical issues, but he's moved into the spare room of an older couple he knows through work. This particular couple have both got more serious medical issues and no family nearby to help them - one has been diagnosed positive for early onset dementia and the other is showing signs of the same. But H can't deal with a diabetic FIL with arthritis??? Is that a man who is thinking straight??
My H says he doesn't want to lose contact with our S13 like he did with his two boys with XW1 but he makes little effort to spend time with him. Is that a man who is thinking straight?? Not in my opinion.
Concentrate on making yourself a better person and let your H see what he is giving up. IMO you are already a better person than OW in at least one respect - you honour marriage vows and aren't carrying on with a married man. My H's OW knew from the start that he was married but she obviously doesn't have the conscience or the morals to care about that.
You need to start living as if he's not coming back. Show him that you don't need him to survive, that you can handle things on your own. I want my H to come back, but right now I'm treating life as if I am a single mom, as if I don't need him in my life. I figure there will less disappointment if I turn out to be right about H not coming back, and I'll be in a better position to continue on my own. There's a big difference between wanting and needing; we may want our spouse back but we need to act as if we don't need them.
Stay strong. Remember you're not alone in this. You've got loads of support here.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
