Blowing in the wind....

[RosaLinda]

Forever  "If we don't speak our spouses LL, then why would they want a marriage with us again? Because we're "showing them what they're missing"? Hmmm. I wouldn't count on that working. They're already "done", remember? Withholding their LL could just as easily confirm in their mind all their reasons for bailing on us. Maybe a good last resort technique if you're done, or on your way to D, like RH was when she cut back on H's LL."

This makes a lot of sense to me, FY. I know our spouses are seeking fulfillment of their LL elsewhere (do you think this might be a clue as to why some MLCers have EAs and others PAs?) and are NOT seeking LL from us at all, but agree with you and Wonka that it's a good idea to sneak in a few sincere LL stokes now and again so as to not add fuel to the list-of-why-I-am-done fire. 

Dawn  "IMHO, and how I started detaching before I was "done'', I would not have text H. To me, that is an LBS doing exactly what we have always done and expecting a different result. Also, it is the MLCer seeing that he can expect you to always do the same things. 

I think if they want to bail, we really don't do too much to encourage that, again IMHO. As I began to feel ''done'', I had no need to speak to H who's LL is WOA, but there was no need, he said it wasn't ''my'' words at the time he was interested in any. 

Now that I can ask him some things outright, I have learned that it was better for me, in his opinion, that I didn't LL him because he would have been resentful."

A very different opinion and quite valid also Dawn. I agree that that smothering our MLCer with too much of their LL would be seen as insincere and probably cause resentment. My H has, at different times, told me to stop being condescending when I offered a sincere WOA, andcalso that MY WOA don't mean much because I "have to tell him nice things," he craves them from other women. Ouch. So I have cut way down, especially on the AOS. 

But don't you agree that FY's point is valid and completely withholding LL might just confirm their justification at bailing on us? As SA said, just don't go overboard. 

Rose  "My H's LL is time together......this may be difficult since he won't come anywhere near me or the house. Lol

That's a tough one Rose. Does he have a secondary LL?

Forever  "Which reminds me, I need to pull out my official T2 googles and clipboard, spank wife and take notes on her response."

you better borrow his hard hat too if you intend on trying this one!