better to love or be loved?

[RosaLinda]

25Years "So which thing do YOU have any control over?

Don't you want him to have second thoughts and doubts about his choices?

That means your changes have to be real and lasting. 
The longer you show consistent change, the more likely he will believe the changes are real and lasting.
Because, to reiterate, 

Your h will only come home if/when he believes ma rriage to youcan be better/different.

YOU MUST SHOW THAT TO HIM..."

Thanks 25yearsMLC, this is great advice. For all of us And thanks for staying with the forum, to help those of us who are still muddling through.