Don't understand, why now???? Plus what do I do??

[ct man 1969]

Well, today we have a 4-way meeting between myself, my wife and our lawyers to see if we can settle any issues before this case goes to court on Monday. It doesn't look like anything I've tried has worked with my wife and doesn't look like she'll change her mind. And to be truthful, as much as I still love her with all of my heart, and as much as I know this will be the most painful experience of my entire life, I think it best for us to go our separate ways. Even if she were to come to me today and tell me she changed her mind about the divorce, I think I'd be forced to go against what I feel inside and tell her no.

I just know that I'll never, ever be able to trust her again. She cheated on me 23 years ago when we were dating. We broke up for 3 years and reconciled. But this time it's different. This time we had taken vows. This time we have children together. This time we built a home together. It can never be the same and I feel that it would only be a house of cards if I took her back. I think that the slightest bump in the road would put us right back where we are now. I don't have the stomach for that and I surely can't risk putting my children through all of this again.

Both my daughters have told me they want to live with me. In fact my younger one asked me if she had to spend any time with her mom at all after the divorce. I told both of them that they can't hold grudges and they need to respect their mom. They may not agree with her decisions, but she's still their mom and they need to respect her. And though she doesn't love me anymore, she surely loves both of them. The irony is that my wife keeps accusing me of pitting them against her. I know my wife won't find out for many years from now, but one day she'll find out that I've always been an advocate for her with my children. That I've always been the one telling my girls to cut her slack and encouraged them to spend more time with her, not avoid her.

I just hope and pray she doesn't get nasty through this whole process. But I think that's inevitable also as I know she's getting advice from a friend of hers that is just plain evil. She's been fanning the flames since this all started (at times, right in front of me). Hopefully my wife's conscience will prevail over the influence of this so-called friend of hers. Please pray for my situation.