NEW LIFE / NEW ME

[Fartiltre]

Sandi,

9 AM here and W just called!

I will try to give you a picture of the convo but I am shaking at the moment! It is hard remembering all the details and specifics but I hope you can do with this

She started of by asking if I was busy. I didn’t answer but asked what was up. Then she stated that she had some practical’s we needed to discuss.

Then she told me something about D6 getting a new book at school already and then some about her….she just babbled.
(At this point my head started working because I was in doubt if babbling about the children should be stopped or not. Since I like to know what goes on in their lives I just listened and made these small listening-sounds like oh, yes, hmmm and so on)

Then she shifted towards D4 being sad and asking her why her and I can’t live together. She had told D4 that we weren’t very good at living together. I left this uncommented. She talked a little about this and also about D6 not talking about this but listening a lot.
Then shifted towards D4 asking her if I could join them for dinner and she invited me. I left it unanswered but she kept on asking so I told her that I didn’t feel like doing this.

She asked why several times and I kept stating that she made a decision trying to put the decision on her.
I told her that I don’t feel like being friends but I will always be friendly (exact words)

She came on to me about the children’s feelings and I told her that I will always be their loving father and she will always be their loving mother and that we will co-parent the best we can, but this doesn’t mean that we have to be friends or eat dinner together. (I do not remember my exact words but this is close)

She stated that she thought we were supposed to be flexible and I answered that I will always be flexible around the children.

She stated that she thought we would be friends and I told her that I didn’t feel like and that I don’t want to pull the children through another breakup when one of us meets OM or OW. She asked me why this would mean a breakup. I told her that this is how things go normally. She wanted to discuss this further and I believe I stated something like “Well, that how I look at it”

She told me that then she has been lying to the children stating that she and I will be friends and she asked me what to do about this. I told her that she can tell them the truth if she don’t feel like lying.

At some point she gave up and told me “OK – lets go back to the practical’s. D6 has got an invitation to a birthday-party” I got my calendar and put it in and asked her if there where anything else, more practicals.
Then she laughed (as me being ridiculous) – I asked her why she laughed and she stated: Ohh this is just beautiful!! Then I told her to be nice and speak nice or I would hang up the phone.
She was angry at this point in the convo.

She continued in a soft and nice voice from there on!

She asked if we couldn’t talk when shifting place and I told that off course we can and we should if something special happened.

I stated several times that I don’t feel like being friends and that this is her decision.
At some point she stated that she knew I felt like this way. At another point she stated that she thought we would be friends.





Sandi, I am sorry that I can’t explain this better! I was concentrating so much on getting the words right, keeping a soft and pleasant voice and with my feelings on the outside at the same time it is hard remembering the details.
I believe the above is quite accurate but am in doubt about the order and the exact wording.
I didn’t raise my voice once.

I wasn’t prepared well enough and could have done better in choosing my words and phrases. I do believe I did all right but It could have been better. I wish she would have waited a week coming on to me with this then I would have been so much better prepared.

She is going down the track we have discussed and I believe she will be there for some time. She wants to eat the family cake and she has until now believed that this would be possible. IMHO she will try again and next time I will be better prepared. I won’t bring up this subject – but please tell me if I forgot something so my preparation for the next time can be better.

When I am done going through the boundaries, values and rules I hope we can talk more about what to expect. I know I shouldn’t have expectations but I believe you get my drift – I just want to feel prepared for anything that might happen.
I am trying to look at me as WAH and her as LBW now – this gives me a picture of what to expect. Only problem is that all I have read from LBW is from women that have read DB and she hasn’t . Do you understand me?

Sometimes I feel like I am shaking a new LBH so he,will really listen to what is being said. But he seldom is ready to "do" what is advised.

IMO you can shake the earth and it won’t change the LBH. We have to realize this ourselves and only time help us do that….but your shaking will possible make us realize what to do when we are out of our own fog. Your words did that for me and if you haven’t posted initially when I came here I would have been in doubt/fog for a longer time.

Your biggest problem was being too much of a "nice guy" you were very emotionally attached. She will notice there's been a change!

I believe she did this morning.



Took me an hour writing this and I am back to feeling good!

I look forward to your comments on this

F