pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear

[Whiterose]

Text message between me and H

Me
"So we don't have to pay for an appraisal are you willing to agree the house is valued at $xxx?"

H
"I realize you probably had "your cousin" appraise the house that being said im pretty sure we both know the value of the home is at least 50,000 more than you are saying it is"

Me
" I didn't have anyone appraise it. This is going off of info from when we were looking for houses six months ago the market is soft right now. Always in fall

I just figured save the appraisal and lawyer fees H. I just thought I'd ask"

H
"I understand that the market is soft Our city appraisal is at $xxx and we can get at least $100 over city appraisal"

Me
"If that's how you feel"

H
"I understand you may have have a consigner to purchase the home with you. not looking to make it so it can't work for you but also have put a lot of work into that house and would like to make a fair deal"

Me
"I am trying to save our children's home to make this as easy as possible for them. They each have asked me to do whatever I can That this is as easy for them is truly all I'm concerned with"

H
"What number do you need to make it work. There's still lots to go through"

Me
"I don't understand your question"

H
"Is $xxx (original number I quoted) the number you need to be able to make it work?"

M
"I haven't looked that far into yet. I'm meeting with the mortgage broker and Am also looking into different forms of added income but its going to take a little time
I can let you know if you'd like"

H
"We'll I guess we will keep it between the lawyers and go from there"

Me
"If that's what you'd prefer"

No response

[Whiterose]

Thank you FC but I think that H is on a terror and I don't think he cares about anything or anyone

[job]

WR,
If you are looking to buy him out, I would urge you to get an appraiser in there and appraise the home. Someone other than a relative. You want to keep this as clean as possible. Yes, he may have put in a lot of work, but the bottom line will be whatever the appraiser has stated. In my case, I had my home appraised, but the looney tune didn't want to go w/that amount, but with what the property assessment office said the home was worth. My looney tune lost $150,000 by doing that.

Your h doesn't hate you, he hates being tied down right now. He hates himself and his life as he knows it. They all say some nasty things and some of them who really go off the rails and say and do some pretty nasty things. The longer he thinks that there is no progress in setting him free, the nastier he may get.

I wouldn't have any more discussions w/him about the house or anything else concerning finances. It's time to leave it in the lawyers' hands and you work behind the scenes to get your home refinanced and get him off your back. Get your financials done this week so that you aren't looking at that reminder every day.

Put your business hat on and go from there. This is now a business deal that has gone bad. I'm so sorry to see you and your boys going through this. BTW, generally when the mlcer is nice they are either up to something or have done something you'll find about shortly. In your case, contacting the boys, the same day you hear from the lawyer. While they are off the rails, you can't trust them.

Take care.

[kml]

I agree that the house should be professionally appraised. It really doesn't cost that much in the big scheme of things, and it's good to have an objective outside opinion.

If you can gather information on what comps in the area have sold for, that may be helpful too.

Property tax assessments are not a valid way to appraise the house value.

THEN - run these calculations by your H. (Note that this is NOT the way it is usually done, but SHOULD be, as it is the fairest way to value things):

Imagine that you have a house with market value of 200k, and a mortgage of 100k, so you have 100k in equity.

The typical calculation would be for you to pay him 50k to buy out his half.

HOWEVER, if you SOLD the house, you would NOT gain 100k profit. You would have to subtract from that realtor fees, advertising costs, and the cost of repairs and fixing up the house to sell. Since realtor fees are typically 6%, plus you might easily have 1,000 to 5,000 dollars worth of repair costs, figure you spend 15k on those items - leaving only 85k profit. In that case, ex only gets 42,500, NOT 50,000.

Try floating that kind of calculation by him.

[Whiterose]

Thank you Snodderly,
In my text with him he seemed to be considering the boys, and I was offering him a fair assessment on the homes value. It's true this is the selling price we were working with when we were looking to buy a house 6 months ago.......and then we were back to lawyers.

I won't be contacting him again. My lawyer suggested I try it on my own so I did. I tried to choose my words carefully and not push buttons but in the end he wants his cash and who cares where we live.

Kml thank you. I will try seeing if he's open to this calculation but I doubt it. He wants every last penny and according to my lawyer this is typical and legal.

I love that line "it's legal" Such an excuse to get away with evil things. Just because something is legal it doesn't make it ethical.......no wonder society struggles so much.

[kml]

Yeah, I really don't understand WHY it's "typical and legal" - except for the fact that even most lawyers seems to be mathematically challenged. It seems like such a simple and obvious concept to me, but I'm always amazed at the extent of mathematical illiteracy.

This is an example, though, of why LBSs should be extra careful about trying to save the family home. It may be a good decision in a down market - but can be a financially disastrous one in an up market.

The worst case scenario - imagine the house mentioned above. Wife buys H out to the tune of $50k by giving up her half of a 100k 401k. A year later, the house has dropped in value and she's lost her job, losing the house to foreclosure. So, instead of the 100k in equity that was her share of marital assets, she's got nothing.

Be very very sure, if you keep the house, that you WILL be able to afford it, even if H dies or stops paying support. Don't make the mistake of having all your savings tied up in a house which is very illiquid as an asset.

[wishing, hoping]

love that line "it's legal" Such an excuse to get away with evil things. Just because something is legal it doesn't make it ethical.......no wonder society struggles so much.

I am sooooooo with you there. Evil is as evil does and no one seems to care.

Please watch yourself with this guy. Never forget these MLC'ers only want what benefits them. They could care less about anyone else. Including their own children.

WH

[Whiterose]

KML I'm mathematically illiterate and I get it.....it's a way for them to keep parties fighting so they get more money.

I completely understand your cautioning me on the equity in my home. The housing crash in the last 6 years was disastrous. I'm not worried that the Vancouver market will crash though.......I know it sounds foolish but we don't fear that here. I have an application in, completed and handed in yesterday, to foster children. a girlfriend of mine has been doing it for a few years and her parents for over 25 years. they are my references and very well respected by the ministry. it takes about two months to do all the inspections and place a child. i have started working shifts with people I know in my industry, they know I need cash work, when I'm not doing my own work.

WH
I've followed your thread and see that both our husbands have serious MLC issues. They seem to be in a deeper, darker tunnel then some others and hell bent on destruction

Thank you both for checking in

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, WR.

I hope your H isn't in the same tunnel as mine. That tunnel is for rats who thrive on cheese (OW sells cheese for a living) or any other garbage they can live off.

WH

[Whiterose]

wh
mine's in a tunnel concerned only with cash and himself and his truck