Blowing in the wind....

[albamarie]

I texted whether he needed anything from the store and he answered "potatoes", very romantic exchange; I think he appreciates stuff like that

IMHO, and how I started detaching before I was "done'', I would not have text H. To me, that is an LBS doing exactly what we have always done and expecting a different result. Also, it is the MLCer seeing that he can expect you to always do the same things.

If we don't speak our spouses LL, then why would they want a marriage with us again? Because we're "showing them what they're missing"? Hmmm. I wouldn't count on that working. They're already "done", remember?

I agree with this, we can't really teach them a lesson per se, we have to stay true to ourselves, whether we are withholding or being natural it has to be for our own benefit, we must put ourselves first.

Withholding their LL could just as easily confirm in their mind all their reasons for bailing on us. Maybe a good last resort technique if you're done, or on your way to D, like RH was when she cut back on H's LL.

I think if they want to bail, we really don't do too much to encourage that, again IMHO. As I began to feel ''done'', I had no need to speak to H who's LL is WOA, but there was no need, he said it wasn't ''my'' words at the time he was interested in any.

Now that I can ask him some things outright, I have learned that it was better for me, in his opinion, that I didn't LL him because he would have been resentful.

There is no wrong or right way, monitoring is a good word, I guess I used trial and error, but for a while now I have been just doing it my way and H has slowly (as a snail) been inching toward me, I am not the pursuer I used to be.