Friday night was our hair apt and I resisted the urge to call when he was running late to see if he was actually going to come by here to get me or not. I just sat down at the computer and played cards.
He picked me up and we chatted about his work on the way to the apt. Then he went first as she lets his color set while she does mine. He said he had noticed the gray in his hair this time. He has never noticed before and of course I'm thinking either J mentioned it or he noticed because of J. But I was good and didn't say anything. We had our usual sort of joking around with the hair dresser.
When it was my turn he sit off to the side and looked like he was going to sleep. I chatted with hd about my dinner the other night and asked if she had ever been to the restaurant. Told her about Kevin coming in to check on sheltie puppy.
So when we left, he said he needed to get back to work. I asked if we had time to go by the pharmacy and pick up my prescription. He said what about tomorrow I was thinking of coming by tomorrow if you are going to be around. I said sure that would be fine. Then I asked him about grabbing some dinner, he wasn't going too, but I was betting he hadn't had lunch and turns out he hadn't. Se we did Arby's drive thru and he dropped me at the house. I gave him quick hug and told him to be careful. He told me to be careful, wonder if there was a double meaning there, as I wasn't going anywhere and gave him a funny look. He said well, today, tomorrow the next day. I said ok have a good evening and he left. I carried my dinner in and ate it and played with the shelties. It was a pretty good evening.
This apt he had went 6 weeks, and normally does 5 so our next apt he scheduled for 4 weeks as he said his hair was driving him crazy couple weeks ago. That will be the end of Feb. so still a few weeks before our court date. This all really seems strange.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Saturday just before 5 I got a call from D asking if I wanted him to come over. Now Friday he said he was thinking of coming over, but I decided not to play any word games and just said sure that is fine with me.
So he came over, greeted the dogs and then said how about pizza, I said fine with me and he ordered pizza and then started looking at my palm. He worked on it for about an hour because the darn system kept locking up or losing the mouse. He also checked out my system on the error it is reporting but he didn't know what to do about it.
I took the kids upstairs and fed them about time for the pizza to get here and then went downstairs and turned the fireplace on as we were both cold and we usually eat pizza downstairs. So we did and he said he hadn't had any lunch and was starving. Then he was sleepy as he ate too much.
He sat on one end of the sofa and me on the other, and later talking I sort of scooted down but he doesn't act like he wants to be close to me at all. You know I really must be detaching some, because looking at him sitting there, I didn't feel like I usually do when he is here, it was almost like looking at a stranger. He said what and I said it is like I forget your face when I don't see you for a long time, do you forget me? He said no.
He kept complaining about a sinus headache and the old Pam would have said do you want something, here try this, but I just sympathized with him every time he brought it up. Finally he said do we have anything for sinus? I said sure what would you like? So interesting that it was "do we" have medicine I thought as he has certainly been out long enough that I have replaced anything that was left when he was last living here.
When he got ready to leave I wrote out some checks and asked if he would put stamps on and mail them. When he moved he took our whole role of stamps and what I bought I used on Christmas cards and have used up again. He said sure, I also asked if he minded to drop my prescription off at the drive thru pharmacy and I would pick it up Sunday morning and he again said no problem.
When he got his coat on to leave, he said thanks for not being a bitch tonight. I raised my eyebrow at him, but bit my tongue. He said you were a bitch the other day, I did not say back well you were a B* ! I just said yes I had a very bad week and I got into the doctor as soon as I could when I realized my meds were not keeping me level. He gave me a hug and left to go to work, which he kept saying he hated to do.
He looked pretty comfy downstairs about asleep and the room warms up nice with the fireplace on.
Oh, forgot. When he first got here he told me he tried to wrinkle Lady Gray up!!! I said what happened are you all right? He said yeah he was coming off a ramp and the car in front of him started to move so he looked left and right and started forward and the lady had stopped again. So he spent an hour in the cold waiting on a cop to show up. He didn't make it to work by the time he was trying too when he dropped me after hair apt. Luckily nothing was too damaged and he commented sorry no blood. I said well that's good. I had told him about the dream I had about me and the one about him in a car accident and all bloody.
So no idea when he will be back, he is getting lots of pressure at work because the new system isn't up and running and the current one is overloaded and he is having to really baby sit it.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Well, the restless feeling ended up going down and sort of fighting with D this afternoon.
At this rate we are going to play H*// getting through a settlement and being any kind of friends afterwards.
I finally told him I had his condom wrapper here but he should get it next time he is over as he must have wanted to save it.
He kept asking what kind of sick joke is this, so going to go the denial route the whole distance looks like.
I am ready to place my shelties and take off but I have no idea where I would go.
There is no life and no future for me it feels like.
I really do think I wish I just wouldn't wake up and never have to deal with all of this mess.
Talking to friend that was really down this afternoon and I wasn't any help there either. I did try, but I guess I was enough off emotionally that I just couldn't pull it off today to be much help.
No Sunshine today only rain.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Woa!!! Talk about white and black...by which I mean your previous posts about the haircuts and D's visits had me feelign really good about things!
Those visits were productive, Pam! It IS worth noting that he said "do WE have anything for sinus".
Okay I KNOW finding a condom wrapper is a major SLAP in the face , but you know he's spending time with her...is this bit of "evidence" really the straw that will break your M's back????
Take some deep breaths...get centred and put this in some kind of perspective...what a challenge...but you're up to it!
I hope the meds get adjusted soon too, well the darn emotions. I just am not working hard enough to control them right now.
Haven't heard anything new at work, so no idea there and haven't got to my girlfriends yet. Maybe tonight, had hoped to go last night, but was exhausted from all of the emotions.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Were those visits productive or were they just typical D and getting the clock ran down till the D is final?
I really don't know, you can't read him and he doesn't tell me anything.
I wish he would have finally came clean after I told him about the condom wrapper instead of playing it off as me making a joke. Guess he didn't know what else to say to it.
Darn I hope my emotions level out soon. The roller coaster they are on is NO FUN.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
, but you know he's spending time with her...is this bit of "evidence" really the straw that will break your M's back???? 
