25 year, I keep in my head your "be right or be happy" and of course, life is not fair...
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
JP. Heed 25, because they are only mistakes unless you learn.
Your pattern of sabotage is one H uses as well and the feeling that "I am not good enough to deserve this" or "This scares me, so I will not let it happen" is a playbook many of us are familiar with.
You promised Not to force her to choose, and to give her time, but then you did exactly the opposite and gave an ultimatum. You were/are Not to do that or set ANY boundaries IF you are not ready for the results.
As it stands she knows all contact with OM needs to stop for her to move home. Other than that I have stopped talking and asking about him. She has time and space.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
So i don't know if you secretly wanted to end things, but so doubt it (with all the talk if MC and Retrovaille)...so that leaves me with the image if you NOT GAL and obsessing & festering and then blurting out words thoughtlessly, only to kick yourself later. It is a pattern if yours. Takes desire to change, & a plan about how you will Not repeat that same mistake again, AND also a bit if discipline to STOP yoyrsekf first --before you blurt out in pain ir anger---and ask yourself the likely outcome of your verbal outbursts...
You are very correct here. Currently I am working very hard on a PMA and it has thrown W in a tail spin as she is not sure how to handle it. She has gotten depressed and talks negative about herself, I struggle to not jump in and say no it's me that is at fault, but I think that is the cycle that we have, so I have not. It is very difficult. GAL, well that is something I admit I have yet to really do, yet I know I need to. I am focusing on my Daughters, yet I am starting to see that my life is otherwise empty. My job is completely un-fulfilling and I'm not sure how to change that.
Thank you for your advice on the other.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks for the suport. I have posted replies, but they wont go through.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP, I can see your posts Could it be that you've got over 100 replies and you may need to start a new thread? Just guessing as I can't see your thread on the newcomers page anymore.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I am moving forward and hanging on with patience. I am working on myself at a snail’s pace. I am enjoying the time I have with my girls. I am giving my W time, space and patience, with the openness of building a foundation between us at a snail’s pace. I am seeing small steps forward movement, but am really trying to focus on myself. That is something I have never done and am finding it hard. The more I look inside the more my mind wants to look out. A lot of negative in there.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Well done You said you're negative, but that is a positive post Have you heard of affirmations? They really help me when I've got a negative attitude. You just keep repeating positive statements to yourself and eventually you start believing them Look up affirmations on the internet to get some examples. Hope this helps
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
If you answer "NO" to ANY of these questions, then keep it to yourself.
You also have to consider if what you want to say is reactive or proactive. Anything that is not leading you in a positive forward direction is probably left best unsaid.
Just my thoughts...
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Could it be that you've got over 100 replies and you may need to start a new thread? Just guessing as I can't see your thread on the newcomers page anymore.