Blowing in the wind....

[RosaLinda]

Brought over from my old thread: In a discussion regarding LL, rH had mentioned that her LL is words of affirmation and her H's is physical touch. My H's is WOA also, and he does NOT like to touch me lately, so I asked rH her opinion of how my H feels when I touch him. My DB coach has instructed me to try casually touching him a bit every day, like a light hand on the shoulder or arm while passing. At first he flinched away, but has not shied away from me for a couple of weeks.

rH So, if I'm annoyed with H, I hate touching him yes. He probably did show me love in a lot of ways "before all this happened" -- as I call it. But I wasn't listening. Once your H decides to come back to you, all these things will fall into place. The love will come from the heart and you will hear it loud and clear!

I know, for myself, as we were preparing to D last fall (basically October through December) I took away H's LL. I clearly remember him being crushed when he asked for a hug as he was leaving. More than once. I said no. Yes, there were a few times I gave out a little bit (just enough to keep him hungry) -- holding hands at restaurant, etc. -- but basically I was telling H in his love language I wasn't gonna be around any more.

IMO, Linda, your H doesn't miss you. He is disgusted with your ways of ILY b/c of his crisis. He is looking elsewhere for affirmation. I think you want to play the pursuer/distancer dance not shower him with love. Is there any doubt in his mind you love him?

I'm sorry for flipping out about the word "disgusted" rH, and thank you for your honest answer. I asked you, you answered honestly, and I did not like the answer, sorry, I apologize.

So after thinking this over, you are right, H IS looking for affirmation from the Russian Tramp, not me, and I'm sure she supplies it, as thick and phony as diet peanut butter. I do try to give my H sincere WOA when ever I think it's appropriate. Since he is getting this from RT, do you think he would notice if I stop WOA? As a non-WOA person, I like WOA but do not crave them, I crave touch. As a WOA person, are WOA so important to you that you would you notice if your H withheld appreciation? If you do, I'll try this.

Secondly, how can I get him to miss me since we are here in the house together? I have the basic hang of the pursuer/distancer dance, but do you have any good suggestions? He does not even notice if I am out of the house all day, but likes to hang out and talk in the evenings either at the beach or watching TV. So maybe I should find more things to do without him out of the house in the evenings?

Wonka The reason why I am advocating for a sprinkling of WOA and now AOS is that, as you say, H is a "kitten" compared to the 'cruel' male MCLers as shown on this board in other threads. And H does not recoil from your touches.

The key for WOA is to be used sparingly and truly genuine. Not just for the sake of it. Like wise for AOS.

As for H possibly initiating R talk when he returns from Russia, it may or may not happen. Try not to think too far ahead. I know it [censored] that he's flying out the same day you're having surgery. It is the time for you to surround yourself with loved ones who support you and make you feel good.

It is very good that you're going to England soon for it will be a good change of scenery for you and get your mind off from your sitch. Be sure to tuck in a good curry dish! British folks love their curry and there's more curry restaurants in that country outside of India

Thanks Wonka. That was the only day they had open that I could have the surgery and get clearance from the doctor to fly to England. H's mom is going to bring me for my surgery, and spend the night and bring me to the doctor the next day. And knowing her, she'll probably clean the house and take me out to dinner. She is a super wonderful energetic woman, 82 years old, really nice and loving to me. Her son does not appreciate her, and she is pretty ticked off with him right now

I'll be careful and sincere and honest with the WOA and AOS. Today on the way home from my hearing I texted whether he needed anything from the store and he answered "potatoes", very romantic exchange; I think he appreciates stuff like that.

I am so looking forward to my trip, never having been out of the country. So exciting. My friend is taking me to some concert on my anniversary, to cheer me up. Curry huh? I think of fish and chips and pints of warm beer when I think of England, probably from old movies. Anything else? I'm excited!