If a friend came to me and described basically the exact situation that I'm in back to me, I would tell him that he needs to be patient. The situation is horrible but if at the end of the day he still loves and wants to be with his W then he may have a tough road ahead to get there. The worst thing he could do is continue to pursue his W because it will only drive her further away. Obviously two things are going on: 1) she's going through something and is doing what she thinks is right by her so despite how logical of a case he may make, it won't get through and 2) he may think everything going on is related to her behavior but what was his role in the relationship up until that point? Rather than talking, he needs to be acting and working on making himself a more appealing option to her than what currently exists. At some point he may need to think long and hard about how much he is willing to go through before he moves on and if he focuses on himself and GAL, he should be in a better place to do just that.
As far as the questions specific to my W, with her being a WAS and judging by how some of our interactions go when I pursue her: -- She'd say that they are her friends and that she wants to be able to have friends that are separate from our "joint" friends. -- There's only two weeks before they are gone for the summer and she "never" used to go out all the time. -- The trip to AC would be similar but she would also come up with a reason about she's sharing a room with her friend, etc. -- Basically, she would come up with a variety of reasons why I shouldn't go.
Two years ago, those responses would have been a lot different, I can guarantee that. She's in a different place right now.
As a side note, my conspiracy theory was wrong last night. She did go to dinner with her friends and not another OM. That isn't to say there isn't an OM but I just need to be careful about jumping to conclusions. As I work on detaching a little more I should be able to handle that better but right now I still have some work to do in that regard. I did however tell her I couldn't do dinner tonight like she proposed - Like has been suggested I need to not be so available to her.
One thing I noticed is that this time around I'm not necessarily "sad" about the situation. I'm more frustrated than anything that we are here again. Since this seems to be a recurring issue for her and us, I need to really take stock of where we are, what I am looking to achieve and is it really possible? Do I want to be with someone that can't decide what she wants? Are my feelings about our marriage and towards her enough to work through this again?
M: 29 W: 29 T: 12 years M: 4 years Discovered OM: 02/10/12 ILYBNILWY: 03/01/12 W Moves Out: 05/04/12 Reconciliation Starts: 09/06/12 In-house Separation (Again): 03/09/13
