yeah- spinning in response to their wild twirling & tilting. idk linda- when you figure out the magic formula to stop responding to them - tell me.
im lots better about it- can walk away from possible brewing conflict- or wise-guy-ness... it's something. not cured - but lots better than back when i "cared" what he thought or felt (well, more anyway).
just more self controlled & saving own self feelings, etc.
i'm alot like you with the wild emotional attachment. it's slacked off a heck of alot- just battered to death really- now long can ya hang on kind of thing... stil have "something" significant- can't define it. not thinking about what the heck "it" is anymore- just sliding along.
i'll hate it the minute he leaves - makes me think of you. it stinks and there's no fix for it-
oh well huh??? who knows, maybe a miracle will have occurred and i won't feel bad as usual??? we can hope rite?
sorry to hear your h will be gone & you're having surgery- hope it's nothing too serious. i can't remember or don't know about it- not much time to go waay back too much rite now.
it's a lonely feeling. i don't feel like my H is ever "there" for me last bunch of years. eve if it was only in my head or imagination- i felt good about someone caring about me. going pretty far back- maybe he never was an i was deluded- a distinct possibliity. i've lived thru sister's alcoholism & ultimate death- mom's various hospitalizations and lots of scary insane stuff with her- a flat tire down the shore (called AAa) - a dead battery (re-charged myself & replaced) - and day to day knowing there's no one to call if i break down or fall down the steps or don't come home from nite walk. who would notice? oh well- hasn't killed me yet so i guess i'll get thru it all and get used to it.
i miss being part of a pair mostly in life-
idk what he is & is thinking i am to him - he was saying something a couple days ago and referring to me as his girlfriend- it surprised me- i feel like nothing to him most of the time- idk if he sees anything different in his brain- it's a wierd wierd thing- someone elses brain (particulrly mlc guy) me? i still cannot even imagine what he's doing keeping me in his life.
ordered oil for winter tho - (yay- heat this year) & he's traipsing to hospital with me- i hate to not acknowledge good things he does or about him- but still hate and am confused by allllll the bad. and of course- wonder what the ultimate "answer" is about it all.
i'm gonna be most patient person in world after all this or die trying... hang on dearie. I know what you feel- i know why (allll those years) , all of the above- perhaps it's MOSTLY our age & history things. but hey- we're here tryin rite? and that's huge- hang on-
oh well- i better go find some caffeine and see if i can figure out if sister is at hospital- or if i can get my eyeballs to quit hurting a bit-
ta da!!! my exciting life huh? (mom in hospital) after a month down there with aunt in hospital- ka bam- mom in hospital here- sheesh ! it's scary stuff all this wacky health junk- er's and so on...
