I can not figure out how to post a link to my last thread...but it was 14 pages long so I think it's time to start fresh.

A quick summary:
Married 11 years, 3 kids. Totally blindsided in March, I thought we were pretty happy.

H woke up on Good Friday and dropped the bomb "I haven't been happy for a year and don't want to be married anymore. I don't know why"

2 MC sessions with a horrible therapist, she suggested he move out.

He moved out April 23.

He moved home May 17, said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he's never been more sure of anything in his life.

Asked for a divorce on May 22. Moved back out.

Filed for a divorce on May 29.

Immediately that day started saying he has hope we can fix this, he loves me, I've been a remarkable wife, etc...

Continued on that rollercoaster until July 23 with daily phone calls and declarations of love. I confirmed his many months long PA on July 23 and he immediately turned on me, became very angry and bitter and I honestly started to think he hated my guts. Refused to work on the marriage, said it was over, there is nothing left, he is never coming home, etc... It immediately became a blame game, everything was my fault, he was justifying his actions like crazy.

August 9th he blew up at me with the worst anger I have ever seen from him. That was a turning point for me. I emailed him that weekend and said we are through discussing anything about this marriage, ever. I don't deserve to be treated that way. Keep our conversations to kids and divorce only.

Apparently that scared him. Ugh.

He called August 12 and apologized for the way he treated me on the 9th. He said it's all anger at himself for what he did, I don't deserve it. Then he started again with the confusion. He asked if I still think we can fix it. He said he isn't really ready for it to be over. He said, "just because I say I want it to be over and I act like I want it to be over doesn't really mean I want it to be over" crazy

August 14 he got fired from his job, the job that we both feel contributed to A LOT of our marriage problems...a young company full of single people that go out drinking many times a week, and ultimately how he met OW. Yes, he was weak enough to give in to the lifestyle and I sat back and let it happen...but life was definitely better before the job and I think getting away from that toxic environment will be very good for him and hopefully, at some point, us.

Since the 12th when the confused comments started again he has mentioned us buying a new house together near where his new job will be, said a couple more times he's confused and doesn't know what he wants, accused his recent craziness on a brain tumor wink and still makes comments about us remarrying in the future, etc...

And he's a really big cake eater and I have to enforce boundaries! I am becoming a doormat in hopes of saving my marriage. OW is still in the picture. H is proceeding with the divorce, despite declarations of confusion...but we are still ahem, being intimate and I have to put my foot down.

I also want to stop the daily phone calls. Even if they start out about the kids or divorce he always turns it back to the relationship and I feel he's taking my temperature. I feel very much that he just thinks he can finish his business with OW and I'll be here waiting if he changes his mind.

I have to take D to the doctor now. I'll add more when I get back. It helps to write it all out.

I have done a pretty good job with GAL...enough that he has noticed and expressed anger over me making the changes that he wants, now that it's too late, now that it's over.

I talked to my therapist today about setting boundaries. I'd love feedback about doing that (mainly the sex and relationship calls) while letting him realize the door to save the marriage is still open...but I will not be treated like a mistress, which is what he's been doing. The roles have reversed. He's spending all of his time with her and sneaking calls to me when she's not around. He hasn't said that but I suspect it based on the timing of his calls (never evenings or weekends).