GM - the spewing phase where they are bullying and harassing us is very hard to bear. All I can say is that it goes away eventually. I think it is better post divorce, because they have what they think they want. They can get mean again when they start to discover they haven't got what they want, but by then the dust has settled, and we have moved along emotionally, so it is easier. Divorce on its own is bad enough without all the additional mean behaviour.
I have to come to see that the aggression probably comes out of their inner conflict. A conflict they are likely unaware of directly. But it is impossible to see it at the time, and as I said, very hard to live through.
Golfmom, I have followed some of your thread. h is ready to file. says he sees no reason in delaying. I don't want it. he says today that he will be fair financially. he has told me(not attorneys) he is willing to give me half of a sole and separate account. he is not legally obligated, but I think he will for a quick D. he will give me the house, but wants to not give much in support. can't eat my house.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
We celebrated my Mom's birthday last night. This very well could be her last one. She's really struggling with ongoing infections and a broken arm that isn't healing. She's really feeling hopeless. She's not ready to die. It's been a very emotional time.
I'm missing my friend and her family. The three of us are lonely at dinner time. We really enjoyed the big family dinners. When we said grace tonight we asked God to bring others to our table. We'll extend some invitations this week.
Xh has been really difficult the last few days. I haven't heard anymore from him since I shut him down. I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with him. I've been very kind, understanding and compassionate. I've held my ground by stating my boundaries and asking for what I want and need. There just seems to be no end to the blame and hostility. I don't understand how anyone can maintain an attack against another, especially when there has been little to no fuel to keep it going.
I've been mentally done with this whole situation for awhile now. I'm struggling to find anymore compassion or forgiveness for this person that continues to make my life so difficult. The sermon at church this morning was about internal brokenness, forgiveness and healing. The boys and I really needed to hear that. We'll reflect on the message as we go through the week.
I am so impressed at your ability to try to find compassion for your H. I ammso far beyond finding compassion it isn't funny.
Like yours, my H is Full of blame and hostility. I don't see that ever ending. Although there are moments like tonight when he does not seem to be blaming ms. But who knows what is really going on in that screwed up head of his.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I hope things turn around quickly for her. Prayers for you and the boys.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Xh is refusing to pay for the boys' therapy. This is something he pushed for, but because he's not getting the immediate results he wanted he is "done." This is what I told the attorneys and therapist would happen. Xh feels entitled to a R with the boys whether it's in their best interest or not. The therapist told him that it has to be on their terms. Xh wants something for his money. He can't force the boys to love him anymore than I could have forced him to stay in a M with me. Getting the boys into therapy was never about their emotional health and healing. It was about manipulating the outcome that xh wanted. Now I'm stuck paying a big bill that I can't afford or my boys will be without the therapy that they were just starting to benefit from.
No settlement yet. Xh contacted the mortgage broker trying to get information on my refi. He's banking on my failure to secure a loan and is writing the settlement terms with that perceived outcome.
This is all so sick. I do not understand why he isn't moving on with his life and allowing me to rebuild mine.
I'm so sorry GM. I don't understand if they are so "done" why can't they just move on with their lives instead of trying to hurt us in every way possible?
Isn't your H responsible for 1/2 the costs associated with the kids' expenses? If he agreed to therapy he should have to incur half the cost I would think. And can your H legally contact the mortgage broker? What is he asking them?
I am so sorry. I wish I had words of wisdom but I have none.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
GM, I'm glad that you and the boys had a nice time away. All of you needed that break. I'm sorry to hear that your mom's arm isn't healing as well as expected, but I'm glad that you spent time w/her on her birthday. I do hope that you or someone in the family took photos.
As for your h, well, he wants to move on, but he's stuck, i.e., somewhat like the hamster on the wheel. They all say that they want to or have moved on and yet, they are right there still sticking it to us. You are so correct when you said that he wanted a different result from the therapy sessions for the boys. Unfortunately, he didn't hear wanted he wanted, so he feels that the therapist isn't any good. This is very typical mlc behavior. I'm am very sorry that you are having to deal w/this and having to pay the bill as well. I do hope that something can be worked out and he will be advised to pay the bill.
Sounds like he's putting all of his eggs in one basket when it comes to your ability to refinance. He really is a piece of work, isn't he?
GM, he's going to be like this for quite a while. He's not a happy person and when they aren't happy, no one is. He doesn't realize what a wonderful person you are and that he has two great boys. It's such a shame.
How are you and the boys doing? School should be starting soon there. Are they are ready to go back?
BTW, you might want to start a new thread. I think I'm poster 115.
Please, please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Xh agreed to pay 100% of therapy and I believe he should. He caused all of this. I guess he thought the therapist would quickly patch up the boys and their R would flourish from there. He is completely delusional.
OH GM I hope you can resolve this quickly, get your refinancing, and can start your healing process with your boys.
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
