Lost, confused and trying to make a stand

[brobafet]

Dear Broba,

You'll be OK.

Trust me.

You will.

Those of us who come here/came here usually had the worst situations: we never saw it coming; cheated on; just had kids, etc. We also probably had the completely wrong connection.

We don't control the other person.

Dependency makes division hard. Work on enjoying being alone and using the time to grow. The one thing I can't say gets better is that, although I've adapted to having less time with my kids, I will never adjust to the loss of time with them. I will say though that NOW, when I am with them, I am alone with them without conflict. The method to combat this is to develop a working relationship with your ex. As she wants to date more, she will find YOU to be a great place to leave them. It behooves you to build this working relationship for the well-being of your kids. It's not about you....your soon to be ex...or the settlement. It's about the emotional well-being of the kids. Remember, they love both parents (I haven't read all your sitch).

Believe in yourself. Be in the moment with your kids. Stop everything you are doing, look at them and LISTEN. Take your daughter to get her nails done and tell your son, someday, that 'tough times don't last but tough people do'. Start being the type of man that you would want your daughter to trust and never be shy to put your arm around your son and give him a kiss. I see a boy on my son's baseball team kiss his dad after games and hug him. For a divorced father, it's a powerful thing to see. Fortunately, I have that, too, with MY son. Build it.

Strength and honor (you'd have to WAY back to my thread to see where THAT came from). Chin up.

FIB

FIB,
Thank you for your post. I am developing a relationship with my kids that is growing stronger each day. I like the idea of taking my daughter out to get her nails done that is a good idea. I hug my son and kiss him every chance I get, it isn't something that I am shy about and was never shy to do with my parents when I was growing up. He is one to cuddle and walk up to me at random times and just want a hug. My son is very emotional, cries at random times and then doesn't know why he is crying. He is 6. He doesn't really understand why he feels the way he does. I constantly ask him to talk to me and just sit with me.

I am developing a working relationship with their mother. Right now it is harder because she is far away and I'm driving to both pick up and drop off my kids each weekend. I'll be moving in two weeks and then commuting to work.

I know it isn't about me but it is good to be reminded thank you. I for sure know that I cannot control her and I'm entering a state of zen when thinking about this. Which I don't that often any more. Her life is hers, and unfortunately it is mirroring that of her mothers (who btw is manipulative and has always put herself first).

I am working each day to just be myself, gain confidence, and be there for my kids. I wont be perfect each day but modeling the man I would want my daughter to be with and my son to become is something that I truly want and for that FIB I thank you for reminding me about.