I just realized that I am guilty of participating in the Karpman Drama Triangle... oh my gosh... man it never stops lol. Once I think I start to get a handle on me God allows me to realize something else about my character.
Okay so what happens is as follows. Someone will ask me to do something, if I say no that should be the end of it. Well obviously it isn't haha. If that person then starts in with trying to convince or give me the guilt trip i usually give in and say yes. then I'll be resentful because I really don't want to do it and give the guilt trip back or act crappy.
I am reading co-dependent no more and this scenario just happened and I realized almost immediately afterwards. Ugh!!! another thing to work on. I felt guilty which is why I said yes but i held onto resentment because i gave into the guilt that i felt. Now, to start realizing this while it is happening and allow the other person to live with my decision and to stop owning their guilt. Question is how to do just that...
This is H exactly and we have talked about this. He has acquiesced his whole life and wound up here.
Try the truth:
Thanks for thinking about me, but I am not comfortable with that. or I have plans or No, thank you. etc.
This is H exactly and we have talked about this. He has acquiesced his whole life and wound up here.
Try the truth:
Thanks for thinking about me, but I am not comfortable with that. or I have plans or No, thank you. etc.
You get the drift.
I totally get that and I was honest when I said no the first two or three times. At some point I get wore down and I either get angry or just give in with resentment. I need to learn to be firmer in my no or be happy with my yes.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
For sure. If you have a history of giving in, then people like me (or the old me) smell it immediately.
Don't let us (or them, I guess) wear you down with it. It's the favourite strategy.
Oh R you make me smile and chuckle a lot, thanks...
Originally Posted By: labug
The basic reason is you don't want to stand for yourself because then someone may not like you. You don't feel worthy.
I've had to learn to say no and the more you do it the easier it gets.
Interesting thought here, it's not so much anyone it's people I like and call friend. Fear of rejection if someone does not "like" me perhaps. Low self worth= you don't feel worthy. I'm changing the way I look at myself.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Well... today is the day that the Judge makes it final, well at least on paper. I have some emotions tied to this day. Feelings of loss etc... however no where near as bad as last summer. Sad as the situation is it is a must for my W and I to actually find ourselves. Who knows one day we may get back together or maybe not.
I am actually excited about the possibilities for my future. I am making plans and a bucket list type of thing. I am marking things off of my never got to do list... yep that's me smiling.
Kinda weird spot to be in, on one hand I am dealing with the sadness of the finality of a D and also excited about my future possibilities. I'm thinking of a fly in to some place, renting motorcycles and just seeing the country either by myself or with some DB buddies... This spring sounds like a great time to plan and save.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
(((subguy))). I'm sure this will be an emotional day. I have some of the same feelings: grieving for the loss of an important relationship but feeling excited about my future.
I also don't know if H and I will ever get back together, but I know that he has to complete his journey and reconcile with his internal issues.
Take a nice long ride afterwards. You'll feel better.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
Sorry subguy ((( ))), yes there would be emotions. Feel them an honor the good that was your marriage.
Will you hare your list here?
Thanks There was a lot of good in my marriage and I feel there can still be a lot of good, guess I'm not as done as I thought.
I guess I can list it here, I had not thought about doing so.
Originally Posted By: hopefulinga
(((subguy))). I'm sure this will be an emotional day. I have some of the same feelings: grieving for the loss of an important relationship but feeling excited about my future.
I also don't know if H and I will ever get back together, but I know that he has to complete his journey and reconcile with his internal issues.
Take a nice long ride afterwards. You'll feel better.
Thank you!
hopeful it is a weird spot to be in huh? Take care of yourself emotionally, I know it's been tough on you as well.
I was going to ride this evening however it's raining again. I purchase a motorcycle and it seems to rain non stop lol. Maybe I'll put my helmet on, sit on the bike and make raspberry noises. I could also place a fan right in front on me for effect lol.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
There was a lot of good in my marriage and I feel there can still be a lot of good, guess I'm not as done as I thought.