To little Too late

[2little2late]

Well my situation is very out of the ordinary. I work in the film industry and my average work week is 75 - 90 hours.
When my wife laid it on the line for me I pretty much stopped. I stopped with the wanting to work things out I stopped calling her except to talk to my daughter. I don't buy her wine or flowers, no gifts.
I don't tell her how beautiful she is or say I Love You.
I do my own thing and my weekends are reserved for our daughter.
When I come home on the weekends it is like we are one big happy family. We sleep in the same bed together but there is no touching.
We go out together. We talk about future vacations. We cook together we watch dinner and movies together. We are one big happy family.
I have been exercising and have lost 20lbs. I look pretty good now.
It is like she is holding on to me to see what I have become.
It is great except for no intimacy. Well almost no intimacy. She did give me a hug last night.
Anyway I guess I am going on with my life together as a family, waiting to see what she is going to do, hoping that I don't fall out of love with her enough to the point where I get involved with another woman.
This really [censored]!

[MrBond]

"It is like she is holding on to me to see what I have become."

Mindreading. It could very well be that she wants to see if you've REALLY changed, but don't base your changes on that.

"Anyway I guess I am going on with my life together as a family, waiting to see what she is going to do, hoping that I don't fall out of love with her enough to the point where I get involved with another woman."

Really? You're that weak? From what I recall, this is what you wrote when you first came here...

"She wanted me to show her. I have made all of the classic mistakes, not trying hard enough to be romantic, becoming distant. I had become someone completely different than the man she once loved and loved her back."

So you're saying that if she doesn't step up, you're going to find someone else. This after you said that you were the one who had changed and took her for granted. I don't think you realize that this is just more of the same behavior from you. From the outside it doesn't look like you had changed at all. Just IMHO.

[2little2late]

Maybe you are right.

[MrBond]

It doesn't matter if I'm "right" or wrong. What matters is what your actions are from here on out.

[AnotherStander]

Well my situation is very out of the ordinary. I work in the film industry and my average work week is 75 - 90 hours.

Is it still or have you cut back since BD? That's got to be rough on your W raising a D by herself. Lots of resentment can form when one spouse spends all their time at work.

When I come home on the weekends it is like we are one big happy family. We sleep in the same bed together but there is no touching.
We go out together. We talk about future vacations. We cook together we watch dinner and movies together. We are one big happy family.

Sounds familiar. My W and I continued on like a happily married couple for a couple of months after BD. We even continued to ML. Anyone that saw us out would have thought everything was fine. But she was still done and she still moved out. So don't try to read anything into it.

It is like she is holding on to me to see what I have become.

In my W's case she was just being nice and biding her time until she could move out. I made the mistake of getting hopeful, I really thought things were turning around. But I way underestimated just how done she was. Most LBS's do.

[2little2late]

Well it has been about a 2 months since I started the LR technique. It has been tough because I call to talk to my daughter everyday. I would not have conversations with my wife ever. I notice that she started to but in to our conversations just to talk to me.
Well today she stop me in our kitchen and asked me to read "the Five Love Languages". She then said she has an email to send me. I am not sure what to make of it. I don't want to get my hopes up again just to be let down.
Any thoughts?

[JayMan]

Don't over think it. My W came to me two weeks ago and sobbed and cried and said she loved me. A week later she was dead set on divorce. A few days ago, she changed and wanted to think about things, to be decided this Friday.

I stopped getting hopes up and just took each positive and negative as about 5% of reality, and I was able to be calm, funny, relaxed, etc.
So read the book, thank her for it, and let her ask you about it. Same with email.

Nice job on the work you've done so far!

[AnotherStander]

So read the book, thank her for it, and let her ask you about it.

^^^Exactly what I was going to suggest. ^^^

Let us know when she sends the email and what it is. I'm curious. It's pretty unusual for a WAS to read/ research/ make recommendations to the LBS. Usually they just slam the door in the LBS's face and throw several chains/ padlocks on it.

[2little2late]

I will. The book she wants me to read is The Five Love Languages: Singles. Knowing my wife and her inability to communicate with me about difficult situations I can't help but feel that there is an alternative motive.

[2little2late]

Well my wife responded but it was all doom and dispare. Basically saying that her Love Language is quality time. When we first were married we did everything together and she felt loved. She thinks that my Love Language is Affirmation and that she did not know that so she never showed me love so how could I ever have loved her.
So here is the dilemma. It is the same old story. What do I do. Since my wife's Love Language is quality time and I can't give her that how can I do the last resort and accomplish anything.