pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear

[Whiterose]

Thank you Snodderly

He is in the process of working out the agreement....his BIGGEST goal as of right now is getting me to start paying half the mortgage so I am in the process of doing my financials so he can see that once he pays my child support, spousal and disability spousal he'll actually be paying most, to all, of the current mortgage anyway.

He can file, but it will not go through, until 1 year from the date of separation. I've used my lawyer for one half hour call, a few emails back and forth between her and me and her and H's lawyer and one fax that I sent her of info, and it was $1000 CRAPPED MY PANTS and I told her from the beginning I am not into multiple back and forth that I need to be frugal with my money....I CANNOT even imagine what he has spent.....he has been there 2-3x what I have

Honestly, I do not contact him. I did last week, once, to ask him about the cell phone authorization and once to tell him I knew about his dad but, I do not send him messages or anything for things I can do myself or just to "check in" He wants nothing to do with me and I'm giving him that

[Whiterose]

I love how these mlcers play the rules......I can't contact H unless absolutely necessary but when he wants to talk well there's no stopping them.

H has not messaged/talked to S14 since they saw each other last Tuesday. He's messaged a few times with S18. Today I get a call on my cell, while driving, he wants to know what the boys are doing. He's tried calling S18 a few times but no answer. I said he's driving so that's probably why ha hasn't picked up. Wanted to know what they were doing because he got cut off (well, is he not picking up or is he cutting out!?!?). I said making a delivery for me, then to my parent's house and the we're out for the night. We hung up.

Turns out he called S18's cell three times, called the house and then called my cell.....in a matter of minutes!

S18 finally talked to H. Asked about him and his brother, work and actually asked how my dad is doing. Wow. There's a grinch sized heart in there somewhere. (Too mean??)

BTW my FIL is home for now needs to go back in for tests in four weeks and my dad is waiting for more gallstone surgery and tests.

[job]

WR,
You never know what you are getting from one second to the next w/a mlcer. He went into panic mode when he couldn't reach any of you. He thinks everyone should remain in one place and be waiting by the phone for him to call. Sorry buddy...but life doesn't work that way.

I'm glad to hear that your FIL is home for now...I hope your father is doing better this evening.

[Whiterose]

Lol Snodderly,
When I got home I changed the voice mail to just my name and cell number....wonder what he'll think of that one?!?

Sorry, buddy, did you think life would stand still? ???

[Whiterose]

H keeps pushing and pushing about the house. Wants his money Just got off the phone with my lawyer again saying his lawyer has emailed her again about what I intend to do.

It's so hard to breath when he's always pushing. I now see a pattern. He's desperate to talk to the boys on days he knows his lawyer is contacting mine.

I don't deserve this. My boys don't deserve this. I'm a good wife. A damn good wife and mother. It feels like he's trying to destroy me. He hates me that much. How is it possible that I love someone so much when he treats us so badly??

My lawyer responded that I was looking into finding a consigner and that I will not start paying half the mortgage as I'm carrying all the other expenses, I've already contributed twice to the last two payments and that child support and spousal are about what he'd be paying anyway

This is the worst experience of my life. Coming close to dying was easier than this

[kml]

Don't you have an order for temporary support? If not, you need to get one ASAP.

And let your attorney deal with his bullsh!t.

[Whiterose]

No. Trying not to go to court. If he pushes ill get one though.

My lawyer replied already telling him that I pay for EVERYTHING else (geez, groceries alone for two teenage boys is $800-$1000/month alone). She also stated that child support and spousal would be about the mortgage payment anyway and it's only creating more equity anyway.

He's out for number one My H is not this man!!!! I HATE THIS MAN

[kml]

File an order for temporary support if there is ANY hint he's not going to be reasonable.

And get your financials done ASAP. Don't underestimate your costs. Get a good friend to work with you on it - they may remember expenses you may forget.

This is the business part - separate it from the emotional part. And realize, the more money you get for you and your boys, the more you can save from your H's mLC - if he snaps out of it, he'll be thankful for what you've saved.

Like most MLCers, he wants the "zipless divorce" - no costs to him, he just gets to waltz away to his new fantasy life. Sorry buddy - doesn't work that way.

[Verum]

Whiterose, so sorry to hear about the financial problems your H is creating. I would try to not engage with him at all -- be busy or occupied.

[Whiterose]

I'm working on them this week. Good idea to have a friend help me klm

I'm having a hard time separating it. It's feeling very final and he's never going to get better