GTO, I agree with everyone's advice. You need to let your inner voice be heard, and now your H and the neighbor are drowning it.
I think your H's change of attitude is your chance to save your M. It's a scary situation bc you might be wondering whether this road will lead to more pain. I felt the same way Joe hinted he wanted to reconcile. But I guess all you can do is to take a risk. Nothing is certain.
Your H is not where he needs to be, but he needs time to get there. I think it's good he's being honest about his feelings for the OW instead of lying to you, which is what Joe did. If he's not w OW, he'll be mourning her loss, and you would have to be strong enough to hang in there while he mourns. It's your choice whether you want to do it, but it's your chance to save your M.
Another positive is that he hasn't had sex w the OW (if he is as honest as he says he is) which would make the healing a bit easier (at least I see it this way.) Knowing Joe had been with the OW made me physically nauseous, and I started associating intimacy with the OW bc she was always in my mind when I was w Joe. UGH. Talk about torture.
Think this through. No matter what we tell you, the decision is ultimately yours. I made the mistake of seeing a MC, but the only useful thing he told Joe was, "No matter what I say to you, you will end up doing whatever you want." That's the only statement he got right.
