Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

[chasingpavements]

ChasingPavements, you need to consider what is best for you. This may be the new job. Consider all the possible future scenarios and what could happen. If H leaves you, and then you're stuck in a job you don't like, you'll be even more unhappy?

You're right and I have often thought about that.

[Not Quitting]

Aw, thanks Rosa Linda I was really hoping someone would tell me to go for the new job..hehehe . There are actually a lot of advantages to taking the new job. It would allow me to walk my 3 young children to school every day. And also, I would be able to stay at home with my 4 year old son, as he only goes to school every other day. (which also means I would not have to pay for child-care). And I think that I would really enjoy the job. They are contacting me in a few days for an interview.

I think a good plan would be for me to go to the interview and if it turned out that I didn't get this job, I could go back to my old job.

Sounds like more pros to me. If I had that kind of opportunity when my son was younger I'd have jumped at it, although I didn't have to worry about child care until son was 8 because H volunteered to be an at home dad as I earned more than he did. I'd have still loved, and would still, to have spent more time with my son.

I say good luck in the interview.

[chasingpavements]

I think that the interview is worth a shot anyway, since I am sure I would enjoy the job. If I don't get it then I will probably go back to the old job, since it was so secure.

Normally I wouldn't be so focused on taking the job that would give me the most happiness and satisfaction. But I think that times are different now, since I am having a lot of emotional turmoil right now and I have to think about my well-being. And if I am thinking about the well-being of my children, then I need to care of myself.

On a separate note, H has been a lot happier in the past few days. He is more upbeat, and initiating a lot of conversations. He has been helping out more around the house with laundry and helping with dinners and with putting the kids to bed. He has also been a lot more considerate, like he was going out in the evening, so he came home early from work to help with the kids before he had to leave. I am not sure what is going on, but it is nice to see him happier.

[Not Quitting]

Good for you CP. You're right that you need to care for yourself so that you can look after the well-being of your kids.

Doing the interview will help your self-confidence as well, especially if you do well and get the job. And it is supposedly easier to get a job when you have a job, so if you do need to get something paying more, at least you'll have recent experience on your resume.

Glad to hear your H is happier. It does make things easier doesn't it. Just remember, no trying to figure out what he's thinking and don't read too much into it yet. There's still a long road ahead of you.

[chasingpavements]

Thanks Not Quitting. Yes,H has been quite a bit happier, more like his old self. It does make things so much easier for me, and my mood has been better. I know we are supposed to 'detach' but I find that so difficult.

I'm excited about my interview!!!

[chasingpavements]

Journalling,

We had a great weekend, the best I've had in months, and for me it felt really good to have a nice, normal weekend. We got along the best we have in a while. H was very chatty with me yesterday, telling me all about our basement renovation, and asking me my opinion on all sorts of things about our basement reno. This may be silly, but when he talks about the basement finishing touches to me he is customizing it as if we are going to live there... I know.. don't have too much expectations, but it does give me a bit of hope. If he were planning on leaving wouldn't he just try and finish as cheap and quickly as possible? That's what I would do.

Had my Color Run on Saturday morning, it was awesome!! It was so much fun. I went in it with a few girls from my soccer team, and came home looking like a rainbow. H brought my kids and they watched the race, and met me at the end. It was so nice to see them there at the finish! It's moments like these that I cherish having our family as a whole family, and helps me to remember not to give up. Things are getting better, so I must stay strong. We had a relaxed day at home, and H cooked us great meals and BBQ'd for us all weekend. And it was nice to have him around

Yesterday morning we went for a hike at a nice trail out of town. Again, it was so nice to do something as a family! It felt pretty relaxed and I had fun. I know it's great for the children when we get out and do things as a family.. and it hasn't happened much lately. It is usually me and H taking turns watching the kids, because H is working or in the basement. And when we did go out together as a family, there used to be this awkward tension between us. I'm not sure why it isn't there anymore, but it seems we are both feeling happier.

Also, he seems to have lightened up about the job situation. He is even helping me with my interview. He suggested I bring a few photos of some of the painting artwork I have done to my interview and he gave me a few pointers. I think he sees how excited I am about this new job.

So things are starting to turn around, and it's been giving me a new positive outlook, I am going to try to embrace it. Things were so bad for so long that I was starting to lose hope. I can handle being in this limbo (for now), so long as things slowly keep improving. It was starting to look pretty bleak for a while!

Also, being in this situation for so long, you start to look at things differently and put them into perspective. You start to consider life with as well as without your spouse, and consider all of the possibilities. You get over the initial shock and realize that things will be ok no matter what happens, and you [i]will /i] survive.

[chasingpavements]

H has been happier and more pleasant to deal with lately. He no longer seems tense and he has been talking to me a lot more. I keep wondering if it has anything to do with me telling him how the way he was acting around me was making me feel. He told me he had no idea that he was acting that way and that he was sorry. I am enjoying being around him lately, but I am going to still try to give him some space, but just be available if he wants to talk. No more one word answers lately!! Woo hoo!

[chasingpavements]

Just quoting something I found on another thread, regarding the pursuit/distance pattern, that I found interesting:

"If you try to feed a squirrel by hand, you have to hold perfectly still. It will slowly come to you, but even if you don't move, it will sometimes get scared and retreat. But it will return and get a little closer each time. If you get impatient and make any move towards it, it will quickly run the other way and the entire process starts all over again from the beginning. But if you remain patient, it will come closer and closer until it will finally reach out to you."


This is something I need to remember. Also, something that SailingAlone mentioned made sense to me,

Stay positive, enjoy the attention, but keep your independence and loving distance. I find that when the W is nice or things seem normal, I let off on giving her space and then we cycle again. She does things to get away and have space. So try to avoid this cycling by not reacting too strongly when H is nice.

[chl0901]

Hi, CP! Just wanted to stop by and say hi! It sounds like you had a great weekend; good for you! I also think you should at least go to the job interview and see how it feels - who knows, maybe you will end up not wanting to work there for some reason and it will make your decision easier. Or maybe you will love it and be offered the job and know that's where you're supposed to be! Good luck!

[chasingpavements]

Thanks chl I am going to do the interview, I am quite excited about it! Once I get there I'm sure I'll know if it's a good fit for me. From what I can tell, it would be a pretty relaxed working environment. The owners are really down to earth, nice, friendly people. It is a husband and wife. They live on a farm out in the country and they have a woodworking shop and merchandise store on their property. I would be painting and distressing furniture, shipping furniture, doing invoicing and making calls at the store. I would love it!