About the DB-ing I did see it initially as a way to 'save' my marriage, but now I see it as a way to be a better person. Initially you do things by going through the motions, but then if the changes are good, it becomes part of you. I see myself as a better person, and a better partner in a relationship.
Will it save my marriage? Will it help my W get through her MLC and she becomes a better person?
Probably not.
I once remarked to my W that me doing the dishes wasn't going to make her love me. She replied that it helped! I think the truth is that it makes it easier for us to live together. This is true for most of the changes and things we do. It removes obstacles, but nothing you do can force your spouse to love you or to come to terms with their MLC.
If you think about it, getting a life by doing things, building a social life, and give your spouse space -- makes you a more independent person. An individual in the marriage, less co-dependent on your spouse.
I am actually happier now, then I've been for some time. Less anxious or concerned about what my W is doing or not doing. I see this as the objective of DBing in our cases.
I still want my marriage to work out, I think we can have a great marriage, but I am more comfortable with the idea that if my W doesn't change, then I'll have to move to ending the marriage.
