Don't think I haven't explored my issues on dating. Jealous is not it because I never in a million years thought he would be. Apparently I am wrong. Well ish.
My take is this. Am I ready ready?? Nope. Do I have to trust? Yep. As you all recall, they are named social experiments for a reason. I fully expected to go on a few dates have fun practice my feminine wiles and generally be casual. This guy is interesting as hell. But whether I can truly go in this direction will remain to be seen. But I won't know unless I try.
It's time for me to do this. I have to let go of the hold on H because this is becoming a loop rather than growth. I want him to explore his path without my interference or worries that I am lonely etc.
I have a kind of unshakeable feeling that this is the right thing. H is my person. I love him and am letting it go
Haha I love how you casually told H it was probably a good idea about moving because you both would most likely be dating people with kids soon! I'm sure he wasn't expecting that kind of response!
I admire your bravery to step into the unknown (i.e. dating). You're right, you won't know which path is right for you until you start moving forward
Thanks K, it's just the way I see myself going. I have a lot of work to do on me yet. I want to explore other relationships and possibly find out if the changes I have made make differences. They have with H, but that relationship is on hold for who knows how long?
As to that, H texted today and asked me to please, please be patient with him. That NI (new interest...we will call her NGF new girlfriend) was not good with the amount of time H and I spend together
He said that he wasn't throwing me under the bus....I replied yes you are, but we have a very deep emotional attachment. That you will not be able to go forward without letting it go. Do what you have to, but I will miss it like a son of a b*tch.
He replied "Me too."
I told him that I want to date him and have a relationship, but am not prepared at this point to do it. I would like to be financially responsible for me first. He sadi not to negate anything that came my way because of our financial agreement and he would rather be whole, like me, and take the money. That this bit of help is all he can offer right now and I am not asking too much.
I said I will, but I will wait until you are whole.
He said he may not be able to give anyone what they need, but then said not including you, Ruby. (confusing....I know)
I just said luck and love...Happy walking dude
He also said that he is in a bit of a deep freeze in regards to NGF, she found out we did a run Saturday.
I said "I'll buy you a toque and mittens....good luck!"
He replied, "Well it will get warmer or it won't, it is what it is. I'll just explore what else is out there.
I explained he is killing me!! LOL and what was he looking for? He said "Peace inside"
I said, "Well you don't find it on the outside. Try being alone with yourself. But maybe you need people in your life to walk this path. I don't think you can be alone yet, but who am I to say? I'm not you."
He told me jokingly to stop being so damn supportive...so I called him a b*st*rd and asked if that was better. He said "Yup!"
He said that things shouldn't stop me from exploring people who come in my life and even though he isn't looking, he wants to explore what comes into his (read "who")
I said, "I am. I wasn't the one that bumped thedate (with SE2) to tomorrow.
H said that he isn't ready to move his apt. (was going to rent from NGF) and would talk to her.
Now, funny. Have dropped the rope in Ruby fashion (certainly NOT recommended for the masses) and look at what is going on.....
lol Ruby. I love your spirit. And yes, you have a very unusual R with your H that most of us here do not have with our WAS's. I would love to be able to be in a position of support to my H the way you are, although I know it is much harder on you than what may come across in your posts. You dig deep and I admire that.
You are a strong and compassionate lady. It is a pleasure to know you x
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Just stopping by to catch up on your sitch. So glad you are okay from your car accident! And SE2 sounds pretty good so far - can't wait to see if anything develops down that path!
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
((((Busting)))) I have about three or four friends here who catch me out every time
Last time he did this it hurt like H E double hockey sticks.
So I detached even more
Got off FB
Refused to live anywhere except in the present
Focused on me.
Not to say I don't have the EFF YOU! moments or the "Why not me" moments. I do. To some extent SE2 is a way to deal with feelings I can't give to H but want to experience again.
So, as I re iterate, not 100% ready, not 100% sure, but it is time to try.
And I was beginning to hold out hope for the guy. Dn't misunderstand me, not to return to our marriage, but to begin to look at his decisions a little harder and a little truer.
