How can you mend a broken heart?

[reachingHigher]

Bringing this over from rH's thread.

Why wait for that chance? It would be good to continue doling out WOA to H. Look it at this way, you're trying to fill up his love bank (as in Harley) by putting in deposits in his 'love' account. Ignore his blather about appreciating it more from pen pals etc. Also we tend to have two primary LLs. What is your H's other LL beside WOA? That will help in DBing.

With all respect to Wonka, I would be very careful here. Maybe check with DB coach before you do this? H may hear it as "ILY" and that isn't always good.

I know, for myself, as we were preparing to D last fall (basically October through December) I took away H's LL. I clearly remember him being crushed when he asked for a hug as he was leaving. More than once. I said no. Yes, there were a few times I gave out a little bit (just enough to keep him hungry) -- holding hands at restaurant, etc. -- but basically I was telling H in his love language I wasn't gonna be around any more.

IMO, Linda, your H doesn't miss you. He is disgusted with your ways of ILY b/c of his crisis. He is looking elsewhere for affirmation. I think you want to play the pursuer/distancer dance not shower him with love. Is there any doubt in his mind you love him?

My H's IC asked him if there was any freedom I denied him. He said no. It wasn't enough to get him to come back.

I think if you extend H's LL to him it will only hurt you. Just IMO. Wonka has a good point, I just disagree here.