Thanks K, it's just the way I see myself going. I have a lot of work to do on me yet. I want to explore other relationships and possibly find out if the changes I have made make differences. They have with H, but that relationship is on hold for who knows how long?
As to that, H texted today and asked me to please, please be patient with him. That NI (new interest...we will call her NGF new girlfriend) was not good with the amount of time H and I spend together
He said that he wasn't throwing me under the bus....I replied yes you are, but we have a very deep emotional attachment. That you will not be able to go forward without letting it go. Do what you have to, but I will miss it like a son of a b*tch.
He replied "Me too."
I told him that I want to date him and have a relationship, but am not prepared at this point to do it. I would like to be financially responsible for me first. He sadi not to negate anything that came my way because of our financial agreement and he would rather be whole, like me, and take the money. That this bit of help is all he can offer right now and I am not asking too much.
I said I will, but I will wait until you are whole.
He said he may not be able to give anyone what they need, but then said not including you, Ruby. (confusing....I know)
I just said luck and love...Happy walking dude
He also said that he is in a bit of a deep freeze in regards to NGF, she found out we did a run Saturday.
I said "I'll buy you a toque and mittens....good luck!"
He replied, "Well it will get warmer or it won't, it is what it is. I'll just explore what else is out there.
I explained he is killing me!! LOL and what was he looking for? He said "Peace inside"
I said, "Well you don't find it on the outside. Try being alone with yourself. But maybe you need people in your life to walk this path. I don't think you can be alone yet, but who am I to say? I'm not you."
He told me jokingly to stop being so damn supportive...so I called him a b*st*rd and asked if that was better. He said "Yup!"
He said that things shouldn't stop me from exploring people who come in my life and even though he isn't looking, he wants to explore what comes into his (read "who")
I said, "I am. I wasn't the one that bumped thedate (with SE2) to tomorrow.
H said that he isn't ready to move his apt. (was going to rent from NGF) and would talk to her.
Now, funny. Have dropped the rope in Ruby fashion (certainly NOT recommended for the masses) and look at what is going on.....
