I did a bit of a 180 yesterday and today. Pretty much every time he's been over to get the kids we end up in my bedroom talking about the relationship...always initiated by him but then I end up doing most of the talking. He always just says he's got a lot to think about, thinking about what I said, processing, letting it marinate, etc.. But never really says anything of substance.
Yesterday when he came over we were in my room and he said, "I guess we need to have our usual talk" and I just happily said, "nope, I think we've said everything twice"
Same thing when he stopped by this morning. He asked if there was anything we needed to talk about. I just said Nope.
So. He's still making confused comments. But obviously his actions are not confused. He has moved out, filed for a divorce and has a girlfriend. He's not confused. He knows what he wants...and from where I'm sitting, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He is giving me *just enough* talk to keep me hanging on...in case things don't work out with her.
Yesterday he said:
-"we could buy a house in XX*
(a neighborhood near his work...like he's planning a future for us. I'm selling our current house to down size since I'll be a single mom. And he just threw that out there for the 2nd or 3rd time. Reality is he won't be able to afford a house in that neighborhood after his child/ spousal support obligations. He isn't buying a house there if he divorces me! But why give me hope of us actually living together again?!)
- he told me about lunch with his best friend on Thursday and said he was discussing life/ marriage with his friend. His friend told him, "man, you don't know what you want!" and my husband said his response was "no, no I don't"
-he told me he thinks he has a brain tumor that made him go crazy in the last year (crazy being understood as having an affair and leaving his family). I just laughed at that one. My DB coach said laughter is good.
So, I don't know. What do I say to this? He is constantly saying he's confused. Do I ignore it? Laugh at it? Argue with it? No. That's not good. Don't want to remind him of the "conflict" he feels at home/ with me.
Point out that the reason he's so confused is that he has a girlfriend?!?! If she would get out of the picture, completely...I'm pretty confident his confusion would lift!! It's infuriating. He is confusing himself!! Adding to his confusion!! Get her out of the picture!
And I'm getting to the point where his confused comments are p!ss!ng me off. This isn't a freaking buffet! You aren't picking between the chicken and the pork chop. This is your family! How could you not know you want to save it? And if it means so little to him...do I really want him back? I want someone that would fight like he!! and protect their family at all costs...like he used to.
