My thoughts currently- *I will NOT have him move back in UNLESS/ UNTIL OW is completely out of the picture. This means I would expect him to minimal ask to transfer to another building (currently the work next door to each other). * I would expect him not to continue ANY kind of friendship with her. *I would need his feelings for her to be over (grieving done). *I would expect him to date me again and court me and START OVER. *He would have to prove that I can trust him. * He would have to prove that he loves me over and over and over. * He would have to show 180s in areas that I don't want to live with any more-- constant complaining about family life and the children's activities dictating life.
Turtle, I still don't think he's anywhere close to where he needs to be. As you said, he has not said a word about wanting reconciliation with you or even trying to work on the M. In your last thread you had a conversation with him in which you laid out your boundaries. Here is what you told him then:
Quote:
- Sorry you are having such a difficult time. - Said it is difficult to understand each other's perspectives but that I do understand his struggle. - That I deserve someone who wants to be with me and wants to do life with me and loves me. - That I will not be Plan B for anyone. - That I will not live w him in the same house in a loveless M. - That I will not model a "fake M" for our children. - That I think children have already been through the worst--his moving out.
The bold parts in particular are spot on and EXACTLY the position you should take. What you listed in your most recent post seems to be backing down from these firm boundaries you already gave him. I think you should just reiterate your previous boundaries, tell him that he already knows your stance and that what he is proposing is unacceptable to you. Then continue with what you've been doing.
His journey is just beginning. I think it could be months before he is in the right place to START reconciliation. And if/ when he gets to that point, the first step is NOT moving back in, it's going out on dates while you are still separated, and it's exploring MC and/ or RetroV.
