"I would validate to show that I am understanding guy. I understand that things are different but you told me to be pleasant when I talk to her – I believe validating adds to pleasant – am I wrong?
I am confused about how to act when I speak to her and meet her! I get the few words and the being kind but could you write more about this issue? What about the 37 rules – are they also gone? Do I need a new set of rules?"
I'm not trying to answer for Sandi in anyway but I understand where your coming from F and would like to give input.
Other than No.25 being one that might be difficult to apply with what you have been told really your just not being rude:
Quote:
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. Do not interrupt them when they are speaking and stop what you may be working on to look at them when they talk. This shows them that you really care about what they are saying.
What else is there on the list that doesn't fit what you need to do? The list is more about what not to do than anything else and I believe they still apply to you.
It's not easy speaking to W in a different way. The way I tied to look at it was like asking for directions. The person your asking is a stranger and you would be generally pleasant, polite and nice. You wouldn't talk to them about their feelings and validate them and you wouldn't agree to pay their car bill or go to a concert with them. If they got knocked over by a cyclist you would help them up, if they had toothache you wouldn't take them to the dentist.
@Sandi Would you prefer other newcomers or semi-newcomers like myself stay out of things like this to not confuse F in case the advice could be wrong? It's hard to ignore something on here when you I to reply to but if it's doing more bad than good then should we stay out of it?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
