Living apart 6 weeks in

[Rockwallaby]

The children and WAS have been away for a week on holidays with OM, S8 is impressed because OM has his favourite sports car. On return from holiday S8 informed me that they are moving to OM house at the end of the month. Not surprised about this as had seen her rental on advertised and asked before the holiday, I was told she would tell me what I need to know when she thinks I need to know it. I don't understand the secrecy as it is very transparent to see the plan.

WAS then said it was my fault she was moving with OM because her housing licence application has not been approved due to the contents of the letter she requested I write to the housing authority. I told her very calmly that she needs to take responsibility for her decisions. She has sufficient funds to pay the rent where she is, though it is very expensive as I have bought her out of the house we owned.

She is moving the items we agreed in the legal document out of the house this Friday. I have said I will let the removals in but do not want her in the house. I know if she is in she will find other items to take from the property. I don't really care but I think it is important to draw a line under the separation and set boundaries for my own space.

She has always had difficulty with this because during the relationship I was too supportive and she lost respect. She has difficulty empathising and interprets empathy and compassion as weakness. Whilst all legal agreements are signed she still is approaching my pension trustees (who are also personal friends) to see if they will ignore the agreement and hand her additional funds. This puts them in a difficult position, I find it quite hard to comprehend the fog from which she is operating. I expect OM is manipulating and acting as sounding board. Last week WAS lashed out when I asked her about a move and said I needed to "get a grip, take responsibility and drop the victim mentality". When I informed her she could not come in the house she replies by saying that I am not helping the way forward. Yet she will not let me have dinner with S5 on her birthday. I invited her to S8 birthday after and she declined.

So my focus remains on the children, being stable and providing them with love and letting them talk to me about their feelings. I do not criticise WAS, just provide the children structure and support.S8 told me last night he was happier with me and D5 has said she wants WAS to come back.

On holiday S8 told me the they played a game in the car to see who could be quiet the longest, he lasted 1 hour 40 min, quite annoyed at this as it seems to be a way of manipulating the situation for WAS and OM. D5 also said they had a game to see who slept in the longest so she didn't go and see WAS in the morning.

I have had a couple of dates, but am not in the right place and so am stepping back for the time being as bringing others who possibly want more in is not fair.

I hope I am doing the right thing, I focus on the children yet most of her pressure is on material items, property and money. I have said if there is anything she wants if she puts it to me I will consider and if I agree will send arrange for her to collect.